Etiquette

How's Your Email Etiquette?

2008-10-11T05:08:00.000-07:00

A reader recently suggested that I write an editorial about the psychology of returning emails. In other words, why is it that some people always seem to respond quickly to your email messages, while others wait a week or more to answer?

Most of us who send and receive a lot of email know plenty of people in both camps. For instance, one of the guys at Sunbelt I work with on the newsletter consistently answers my messages so instantaneously that I've accused him of being an "always on" artificial intelligence instead of a real person (Hi, Dan). No matter what time of the day or night I send a message, his response seems to pop up within a minute. On the other hand, there's a guy I work with at another company who invariably takes days or weeks to write back. If I need info for an important matter, I often have to resend my message two or three times. While the "next moment" responders may be a little scary, the email procrastinators are downright frustrating, especially when you need their input to get your work done.

Of course, some folks have good reasons for their less-than-timely replies. They might have suddenly been taken ill or be on vacation, traveling on business, or having an Internet service outage. In today's netcentric world, many of us have people we "know" only through the 'net. We may work with them online on a frequent basis and even feel close to them, but we don't even have phone numbers or physical addresses for them, may not know what state (or even what country) they live in, their race/ethnicity, how old or young they are, or in some cases even what gender they are if they have names that can be either male or female. I worked with an editor for one online publication for several years, all that time thinking I was dealing with a man, only to find out accidentally that "he" was actually a "she." Oops. Because our online relationships are so compartmentalized, we don't necessarily know what's going on in a person's "real life" that prevents him/her from answering the mail.

Another reason people sometimes don't respond is because they never got our message in the first place. With unwanted commercial email posing such a big problem, almost every ISP or corporate mail server implements some type of spam filtering, and many computer users have their own client-side anti-spam software running, as well. Unfortunately, none of these spam filters are perfect, and there are always some "false positives" - email messages that get blocked by the spam filters even though they aren't spam. If you don't get an answer from someone you've emailed, you always have to consider the possibility that your message didn't get through.

On the other hand, the spam filtering problem also presents a handy excuse for those who forgot or were too lazy or avoidant to answer messages. They can just claim to have never received the mail, and who can tell the difference? One solution to that problem is to request a receipt when the person receives or opens your message. Most mail clients make this easy to do.

Unfortunately, it's not the greatest solution. In most cases, the recipient can choose not to send the receipt even though you've requested it, and many people find read receipts highly annoying. Even if you intend to answer, you may not have time to answer immediately, and you don't necessarily want the sender to know that you read the message today at 8:00 a.m. if you may not get around to answering it until tomorrow afternoon.

And delaying a response isn't the only way our email contacts can annoy us. Thinking about all this led me to the broader question of email etiquette in general. Sometimes the measures we take to try to avoid annoying others end up being annoyances themselves. For instance, if you're going to be cut off from your email for a few days, should you set up an autoresponder to send a canned message telling those who write to you that you're not in? Many people hate those "out of office" messages - especially when the recipient is on an email list and the autoresponder sends an OoO message to the list in response to every post. But is it more or less rude than just letting people think you're ignoring their messages?

And just how long should you wait after getting no response until you try contacting the person again? A day? A week? Should you just resend the message as if it were the first time, or should you mention that this is the second (or third, or whatever) time you've sent it? Obviously, the correct answer may depend on your relationship with the recipient and the urgency (or lack thereof) of the message content.

Then there are those people who respond to your email message by calling you on the phone - without emailing back to say they're going to call. That's one of my pet peeves, but no doubt they believe they're being especially responsive. And they probably think I'm rude for not answering the phone if I don't recognize the number on Caller ID.

Which brings me to another issue. Many of us were conditioned, as we were growing up, to believe that if the phone rang, we had an obligation to answer it - even though we were the ones paying the phone bill, presumably to have a communications tool for our own use and convenience, not as a means for others to invade our homes when we didn't want to be invaded. Answering machines came along and changed our attitudes somewhat; now we could "screen" our calls (although few would admit to doing so) and pick up only the ones we wanted to take. Caller ID took that even further - even if the caller chooses not to leave a message, we can see who's calling (or at least, the number from which he/she is calling) before the call even goes to voicemail. With new technology, we can even program certain numbers to go directly to voicemail, or be blocked altogether, or to have a distinctive ringtone so we know instantly that it's someone whose call we want to take.

I suspect it's this relatively new "pick and choose" attitude that's spilled over to email, and may explain why so many people respond slowly, or not at all. Just as they no longer feel an obligation to answer the phone just because it rings, they feel no obligation to send a reply just because they get an email message. And the sheer volume of email reinforces those feelings.

What do you think? Are you an email procrastinator or an instantaneous responder, or somewhere in between? Do you use OoO messages when you're going to be out or just keep 'em guessing? Do you get annoyed when you get back an Out of Office notice, or do you like knowing why your message is going unanswered? Do you ever pretend a message was "eaten" by your spam filters when you just didn't answer? Do you request read receipts? Do you click "Yes" or "No" when asked if you want to send a receipt? What are your pet email etiquette peeves?

DECISION-MAKING-A TRAIT FOR SUCCESS.

2008-09-15T08:58:00.001-07:00

Look at the corporate doyens of today. How did they achieve so much? Well, obviously they worked hard, networked well, asked the right questions, and learnt from experience. They were curious. They were creative. They persevered and they felt accountable for their actions. Well, these are the traits of most successful people. However, besides all of this, they also had to make certain crucial and timely decisions during the course of their career. These were the points of no return, where the tide could turn for better or for worse. And there was no time to calculate or contemplate the possibility of regret.

WHAT IS 'GOOD' DECISION MAKING?

2008-09-15T08:58:00.000-07:00

To decide is to make up one's mind. It implies making a conscious choice between two or more alternatives. We constantly take decisions in our professional and personal lives. But how do we make the right decisions? Well, ‘good’ decision-making starts with a strategic thinking. It comes from never being ‘indecisive’.

How to Makeup After Lovers Fight

2008-08-25T18:19:00.000-07:00

How to Makeup After Lovers Fight

Fight are almost inevitable in relationships. Once in a while you have to disagree with your mate. If you still want to be with your partner, you have to know how to make up After Lovers Fight and the best way to go about it. Just immediately After Lovers Fight tempers are still high and it would be wise for you to wait for your mate to cool down before you approach them. If you approached them before they cooled down you might not like what they will have to say and all your efforts will be thrown back at you. You might even start fighting again. The best thing to do immediately After Lovers Fight is to keep off each other's sight. Give each other time to realize you do not want to break up but to make up.

You can make up After Lovers Fight by getting your partner a gift or card. You can write a short message on the card, something to remind your partner that you love them. You can also send a sorry message and flowers to your mate. Even men can be sent for flowers. Gifts are most often given to people we love and it would be wise to tell your partner that you love them and just because you disagree on something it doesn't change the fact that you love them. However make sure you give the gift after they have cooled down considerately. Gifts also say sorry. Once you give a gift to your partner they will know you are sorry and all you want to do is make up After Lovers Fight.

Make up After Lovers Fight by taking them to a special place or making them a good meal or something they like. That way you will have time to talk about things and agree on what you had disagreed before. You can ask your partner to just sit and watch you prepare something special for them. It doesn't have to be perfect. Your partner will see the effort you have made in making them feel special. While talking, try to see each others point of view. Do not impose anything on your partner. It is okay to disagree and sometimes you can agree to disagree on matters. After all you are two individuals who have different points of view.

Make up After Lovers Fight by making love to each other. When you make love to each other it means you are both willing to work out your differences. Making love also shows your partner that you still care about them and that you are concerned about what goes on in your relationship. You will also feel relaxed after the love making and feel no need of fighting again. You partner also feels still wanted and loved. Sometimes when people feel you no longer care about them they can start up a fight just to see how much the other person still cares about them. And any way, fighting sometimes can be healthy than not fighting at all.

Making the perfect Cuppa

2008-08-23T09:15:00.000-07:00

A 'cuppa' is a cup of tea. Tea is a good source of flavonoids, compounds that contain powerful antioxidant properties. And it is true, in any crisis we turn to tea. Making the perfect cuppa is here below.

Select a teapot of the correct size for the number of cups required. Allow two tea bags or 2.5 to 3 gm of tea per 190 to 200 ml of water.
Fill a kettle or pan with freshly drawn cold water (Plenty of oxygen is needed to bring out the full flavour of the tea), and bring to boil.
When the water is almost boiling, pour a little into the teapot, swill it around and then pour the water away.
Measure the loose tea or count the teabags. When the water in the kettle is just coming to a rolling boil, pour the water onto the leaves or bags. Whenever possible, place the leaves inside an infuser that can then be lifted out of the liquid once the tea has brewed.
Put the lid on the pot and allow it to brew. For teabags and small-leafed teas allow three to five minutes.
Once brewed, lift the infuser containing the leaves out of the pot and discard. Immediately strain the tea into the cups, or into another heated pot to keep warm.
Keep the pot warm on a special hotplate that is heated by a candle light or cover with a cosy.

Improve your body language....

2008-08-22T11:13:00.000-07:00

1. Don't cross your arms or legs –

You have probably already heard you shouldn't cross your arms as it might make you seem defensive or guarded. This goes for your legs too. Keep your arms and legs open.

2. Have eye contact, but don't stare –

If there are several people you are talking to, give them all some eye contact to create a better connection and see if they are listening. Keeping too much eye-contact might creep people out. Giving no eye-contact might make you seem insecure. If you are not used to keeping eye-contact it might feel a little hard or scary in the beginning but keep working on it and you'll get used to it.

3. Don't be afraid to take up some space –

Taking up space by for example sitting or standing with your legs apart a bit signals self-confidence and that you are comfortable in your own skin.

4. Relax your shoulders –

When you feel tense it's easily winds up as tension in your shoulders. They might move up and forward a bit. Try to relax. Try to loosen up by shaking the shoulders a bit and move them back slightly.

5. Nod when they are talking –

nod once in a while to signal that you are listening. But don't overdo it and peck like Woody Woodpecker.

6. Don't slouch, sit up straight –

but in a relaxed way, not in a too tense manner.

7. Lean, but not too much –

If you want to show that you are interested in what someone is saying, lean toward the person talking. If you want to show that you're confident in yourself and relaxed lean back a bit. But don't lean in too much or you might seem needy and desperate for some approval. Or lean back too much or you might seem arrogant and distant.

8. Smile and laugh –

lighten up, don't take yourself too seriously. Relax a bit, smile and laugh when someone says something funny. People will be a lot more inclined to listen to you if you seem to be a positive person. But don't be the first to laugh at your own jokes, it makes you seem nervous and needy. Smile when you are introduced to someone but don't keep a smile plastered on your face, you'll seem insincere.

9. Don't touch your face –

it might make you seem nervous and can be distracting for the listeners or the people in the conversation.

10. Keep you head up -

Don't keep your eyes on the ground, it might make you seem insecure and a bit lost. Keep your head up straight and your eyes towards the horizon.

11. Slow down a bit –

this goes for many things. Walking slower not only makes you seem more calm and confident, it will also make you feel less stressed. If someone addresses you, don't snap you're neck in their direction, turn it a bit more slowly instead.

12. Don't fidget –

try to avoid, phase out or transform fidgety movement and nervous ticks such as shaking your leg or tapping your fingers against the table rapidly. You'll seem nervous and fidgeting can be a distracting when you try to get something across.. Declutter your movements if you are all over the place. Try to relax, slow down and focus your movements.

13. Use your hands more confidently –

instead of fidgeting with your hands and scratching your face use them to communicate what you are trying to say. Use your hands to describe something or to add weight to a point you are trying to make. But don't use them to much or it might become distracting. And don't let your hands flail around, use them with some control.

14. Lower your drink –

don't hold your drink in front of your chest. In fact, don't hold anything in front of your heart as it will make you seem guarded and distant. Lower it and hold it beside your leg instead.

15. Realise where you spine ends –

many people (including me until recently) might sit or stand with a straight back in a good posture. However, they might think that the spine ends where the neck begins and therefore crane the neck forward in a Montgomery Burns-pose. Your spine ends in the back of your head. Keep you whole spine straight and aligned for better posture.

16. Don't stand too close –

one of the things we learned from Seinfeld is that everybody gets weirded out by a close-talker. Let people have their personal space, don't invade it.

17. Mirror -

Often when you get along with a person, when the two of you get a good connection, you will start to mirror each other unconsciously. That means that you mirror the other person's body language a bit. To make the connection better you can try a bit of proactive mirroring. If he leans forward, you might lean forward.. If she holds her hands on her thighs, you might do the same. But don't react instantly and don't mirror every change in body language. Then weirdness will ensue. :)

18. Keep a good attitude –

last but not least, keep a positive, open and relaxed attitude. How you feel will come through in your body language and can make a major difference. For information on how make yourself feel better read 10 ways to change how you feel and for relaxation try A very simple way to feel relaxed for 24 hours.

TO TAKE OR NOT TO TAKE-THAT DECISION.!

2008-08-03T04:30:00.000-07:00

“What part does decision making play in managing? I shall find it convenient to take mild liberties with the English language by using decision making as though it were synonymous with management.”

| Herbert Simon |

You are bright, knowledgeable and ambitious. Your career is spiraling upwards. Now, an emergency crops up and you can’t reach the boss who’s out of town. You have some vital choices to make—on your own.
How do you feel?
Confident, focused and clear about your goals?
Excited about taking the initiative?
Nervous—you break into a cold sweat?
Like there’s an invisible sword dangling over your head?...

HOW TO CONDUCT PRODUCTIVE MEETINGS

2008-08-02T10:28:00.000-07:00

The key to conduct a meeting productively involves a number of procedures - primarily from the perspective of being the organizer and facilitator.

1.	Circulate an agenda - An agenda should show the planned steps that get the meeting from ‘one point’ to ‘another.’ It helps the participants prepare suitably and anticipate the kind of information they might need to produce. Most importantly, it works as a contract with the participants.
2.	Have a theme - Meetings shouldn’t be indirect tours of each participant’s logical understanding. Make it clear why this meeting is happening, why each person is participating at a given time, and then use your agenda to augment how the theme will be explored or tackled in each section of the meeting.
3.	Set (and honour) times for beginning, ending, and breaks - There’s nothing worse than a meeting where everyone who knows anything will just chatter on or where the leader will stop only when he gets tired of hearing himself talk. Own your meeting by putting up walls — provide structure and be firm about respecting everyone’s time. Honour the time walls. .
4.	No electronic grazing. Period - Phones off. You’re either at the meeting or you’re not at the meeting, and few things are more distracting or disruptive than the guy who has to check his messages every five minutes. Schedule breaks for people to fiddle with their ‘toys’, but fearlessly enforce a no grazing rule once the meeting’s back in session.
5.	Schedule guests - Do not put thirty people in a room for three hours if twenty of them will have nothing to do for all but the last ten minutes. In your agenda, make it clear when people will be needed and you’ll encourage best use of everyone’s time. It’s also extra incentive (or even an excuse) to tick off agenda items in a timely manner. (”Well, it looks like Mr. Khanna is here to share his sales report, so let’s move on.”)
6.	Be a referee and employ a time-keeper - If you can afford it, have one person in the meeting be the slavish time-keeper so you, as the leader, can focus on facilitating, summarizing, clarifying, and just keeping things moving. Working closely with the time-keeper, you should not be afraid to announce things like “Okay, we have three minutes left for this, so let’s wrap up with any questions you have for Mr. Khanna, and then move on.”
7.	Stay on target - Any item that can be resolved between a couple people offline or that does not require the knowledge, consent, or input of the majority of the group should be scotched immediately. Close rat holes. As soon as the needed permission, notification, or task assignment is completed, just move on to the next item.
8.	Follow up - If you have been utilizing a project manager or note taker (and God knows you should), be sure to use a few minutes at the end for him or her to review any major new projects or action items that were generated in the meeting. Have the project manager email the list of resolved and new action items to all the participants.
9.	Be consistent - Take any of these tips that work for you — and many certainly may not — but understand one thing above all; meetings do not run themselves, and if you have any desire to make best use of people’s valuable time, you’ll need a firm hand and a lot of thoughtful planning. Set a pattern of being the one whose meetings don’t bore others and you’ll start seeing the productivity, tone, and participation in your meetings consistently improve.

Dandruff

2008-08-01T09:35:00.000-07:00

Vinegar Wonder
• Add six spoonfuls water, two spoonfuls pure vinegar and apply it on the scalp with cotton wool before going to bed. Tie a towel around your head to protect the pillow. Wash your hair next morning. After shampooing, rinse again with vinegar water. Continue this once a week for at least three months.
• Mix a spoonful of lemon juice with two spoonfuls of vinegar and massage on the scalp. Wash your hair with an egg shampoo after this.

Methi Power
• Soak fenugreek (methi) seeds in yogurt overnight and apply the curd on your scalp for half an hour before washing in the morning.
• Just soak the fenugreek seeds overnight in water to soften the seeds and grind in the morning to make paste. Before hairwash, apply this paste on scalp and hair and leave it on for half an hour. Wash off with shampoo later.

An Egg Pack
• Beat two eggs and add two tablespoons of water to it.
• Wet the hair and apply the egg mixture over the hair.
• Now massage your scalp and let the mixture on for ten minutes to fifteen minutes. Then rinse the hair with lukewarm water.

Amla Power
• Amla is rich in iron and considered to be very nourishing for strong and healthy hair. Add amla juice to lemon juice and massage your scalp with firm fingers.
• Wash after half an hour.

MAKE YOUR OWN SHOESHINE KIT!

2008-08-01T09:28:00.000-07:00

What’s the first thing that women observe about a man? Apparently, his shoes! This is because your shoes are a reflection of how well-groomed you are! And we don’t mean that you need to blow a lump sum of money on new shoes, but see that the ones you already have look shiny ‘n’ new!

Here’s how to pamper your shoes:

• Get your shoeshine kit together. You’ll need: a shoeshine & polish brush, shine cloth ( cotton cloth, old T-shirt, socks etc), standard brown and black polish, an old toothbrush and cotton.
• Wipe away the dust and debris using a dry cloth or shoeshine brush, and then a wet cloth.
• Once your shoes are clean and dry, use your shoeshine polish brush to apply a good amount of polish onto your shoes. Evenly spread over shoes and use a toothbrush/cotton swab to polish hard-to-reach areas. Wait 15 to 20 minutes for the polish to dry.
• Once your shoe is completely dry, use the shoeshine brush to carefully brush off the polish. Again, use a clean cotton swab or toothbrush for hard-to-reach spots.
• Now using a clean, lint-free shine cloth, give your shoes the shine they deserve.

SOMETHING ABOUT SOCKS & SHOES

2008-08-01T09:26:00.001-07:00

Socks
Your socks should be of a dark shade so as to compliment your suit. Lengthwise they should be mid-calf or knee-high in length.

Shine
Your shoes should be and have new heels, soles and tips, if needed. Worn down heels and scuffed tips make you look shabby.

CAN I WEAR FORMAL SHOES ON INFORMAL CLOTHES?

2008-08-01T09:26:00.000-07:00

Shoes are an important part of dressing for the occasion.
• Each dress code has its specified shoes. Nothing can be as jarring as mismatched shoes and clothes.
• Besides aesthetic appeal, shoes also have a specific purpose. Business shoes for example are designed to bear the weight of heavy clothing that is a part of formal business wear. Loafers, lug soles, chukka boots, suede oxfords are meant for lazy weekends and have an air of informality about them.
• Avoid activity footwear like hiking boots, basketball sneakers, boating shoes etc. when you dress informally to work, such shoes connote physical movement. Another important aspect to be borne in mind is the type of socks one wears while dressing informally.
• Avoid business socks, but that does not mean you end up wearing athletic ones, the stress once again is on cool and comfortable wear.

SOCKS & SANDALS -- A STRICT NO-NO!

2008-08-01T09:25:00.000-07:00

Guys, you might think socks with sandals are cool, but trust the women -- we know better.

Why were you wearing sandals in the first place? To keep your feet cool, right? So why are you wearing socks now? If you think it’s a cooler way of wearing a pair of shoes then think again. Most of you do it because you think it looks good, but the truth of the matter is, it doesn’t. Socks and sandals when paired together can be nothing short of a fashion disaster!

So here’s what you need to keep in mind, in order not to repeat this fashion felony.

Knee-highs and sandals look silly
Stay away from socks that reach your knees. This style may have been acceptable in the 80s but not any longer.

No neon socks
You like making a fashion statement, but do it without it going overboard!

Non-matching socks
Ok maybe when you wear closed shoes, it doesn’t matter. But, hey, if you are going to go ahead teaming socks with sandals then at least match the socks!

Stay away from the whites
You also might think of going with the classic white look, but that doesn’t work either. It draws too much attention to your feet.

The Seven Deadly Sins of a Relationship

2008-07-24T07:11:00.000-07:00

“Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand.” - Emily Kimbrough

Just as important as what you should do is what you shouldn’t do — and I’m sure many of you have stepped into these pitfalls yourselves. I know I have. I’ve learned from my mistakes, and have learned to recognize when I’m making a fatal error, and how to correct it.

If you can avoid these seven things, and focus instead on doing the four things above, you should have a strong relationship. I’m not going to guarantee anything, but I’d give you good odds.

Resentment. This is a poison that starts as something small (”He didn’t get a new roll of toilet paper” or “She doesn’t wash her dishes after she eats”) and builds up into something big. Resentment is dangerous because it often flies under our radar, so that we don’t even notice we have the resentment, and our partner doesn’t realize that there’s anything wrong. If you ever notice yourself having resentment, you need to address this immediately, before it gets worse. Cut it off while it’s small. There are two good ways to deal with resentment: 1) breathe, and just let it go — accept your partner for who she/he is, faults and all; none of us is perfect; or 2) talk to your partner about it if you cannot accept it, and try to come up with a solution that works for both of you (not just for you); try to talk to them in a non-confrontational way, but in a way that expresses how you feel without being accusatory.
Jealousy. It’s hard to control jealousy if you feel it, I know. It seems to happen by itself, out of our control, unbidden and unwanted. However, jealousy, like resentment, is relationship poison. A little jealousy is fine, but when it gets to a certain level it turns into a need to control your partner, and turns into unnecessary fights, and makes both parties unhappy. If you have problems with jealousy (like I once did), instead of trying to control them it’s important that you examine and deal with the root issue, which is usually insecurity. That insecurity might be tied to your childhood (abandonment by a parent, for example), in a past relationship where you got hurt, or in an incident or incidents in the past of your current relationship.
Unrealistic expectations. Often we have an idea of what our partner should be like. We might expect them to clean up after themselves, to be considerate, to always think of us first, to surprise us, to support us, to always have a smile, to work hard and not be lazy. Not necessarily these expectations, but almost always we have expectations of our partner. Having some expectations is fine — we should expect our partner to be faithful, for example. But sometimes, without realizing it ourselves, we have expectations that are too high to meet. Our partner isn’t perfect — no one is. We can’t expect them to be cheerful and loving every minute of the day — everyone has their moods. We can’t expect them to always think of us, as they will obviously think of themselves or others sometimes too. We can’t expect them to be exactly as we are, as everyone is different. High expectations lead to disappointment and frustration, especially if we do not communicate these expectations. How can we expect our partner to meet these expectations if they don’t know about them? The remedy is to lower your expectations — allow your partner to be himself/herself, and accept and love them for that. What basic expectations we do have, we must communicate clearly.
Not making time. This is a problem with couples who have kids, but also with other couples who get caught up in work or hobbies or friends and family or other passions. Couples who don’t spend time alone together will drift apart. And while spending time together when you’re with the kids or other friends and family is a good thing, it’s important that you have time alone together. Can’t find time with all the things you have going on — work and kids and all the other stuff? Make time. Seriously — make the time. It can be done. I do it — I just make sure that this time with my wife is a priority, and I’ll drop just about anything else to make the time. Get a babysitter, drop a couple commitments, put off work for a day, and go on a date. It doesn’t have to be an expensive date — some time in nature, or exercising together, or watching a DVD and having a home-cooked dinner, are all good options. And when you’re together, make an effort to connect, not just be together.
Lack of communication. This sin affects all the others on this list — it’s been said many times before, but it’s true: good communication is the cornerstone of a good relationship. If you have resentment, you must talk it out rather than let the resentment grow. If you are jealous, you must communicate in an open and honest manner to address your insecurities. If you have expectations of your partner, you must communicate them. If there are any problems whatsoever, you must communicate them and work them out. Communication doesn’t just mean talking or arguing — good communication is honest without being attacking or blaming. Communicate your feelings — being hurt, frustrated, sorry, scared, sad, happy — rather than criticizing. Communicate a desire to work out a solution that works for you both, a compromise, rather than a need for the other person to change. And communicate more than just problems — communicate the good things too (see below for more).
Not showing gratitude. Sometimes there are no real problems in a relationship, such as resentment or jealousy or unrealistic expectations — but there is also no expression of the good things about your partner either. This lack of gratitude and appreciation is just as bad as the problems, because without it your partner will feel like he or she is being taken for granted. Every person wants to be appreciated for all they do. And while you might have some problems with what your partner does (see above), you should also realize that your partner does good things too. Does she wash your dishes or cook you something you like? Does he clean up after you or support you in your job? Take the time to say thank you, and give a hug and kiss. This little expression can go a long way.
Lack of affection. Similarly, everything else can be going right, including the expression of gratitude, but if there is no affection among partners then there is serious trouble. In effect, the relationship is drifting towards a platonic status. That might be better than many relationships that have serious problems, but it’s not a good thing. Affection is important –everyone needs some of it, especially from someone we love. Take the time, every single day, to give affection to your partner. Greet her when she comes home from work with a tight hug. Wake him up with a passionate kiss (who cares about morning breath!). Sneak up behind her and kiss her on the neck. Make out in the movie theater like teen-agers. Caress his back and neck while watching TV. Smile at her often.
Bonus sin: Stubbornness. This wasn’t on my original list but I just thought about it before publishing this post, and had to add it in. Every relationship will have problems and arguments — but it’s important that you learn to work out these problems after cooling down a bit. Unfortunately, many of us are too stubborn to even talk about things. Perhaps we always want to be right. Perhaps we never want to admit that we made a mistake. Perhaps we don’t like to say we’re sorry. Perhaps we don’t like to compromise. I’ve done all of these things — but I’ve learned over the years that this is just childish. When I find myself being stubborn these days, I try to get over this childishness and suck it up and put away my ego and say I’m sorry. Talk about the problem and work it out. Don’t be afraid to be the first one to apologize. Then move past it to better things.

How to Be Charming & Charismatic

2008-07-24T07:10:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed how some people captivate everyone they speak to? No matter what they look like or how much money they have, they can walk into a room and instantly be the center of attention. When they leave, people think highly of them and want to emulate them. That’s charisma, a sort of magnetism that inspires confidence and adoration.

Like beauty, luck, and social position, charisma can open many doors in life. Unlike these other qualities, anyone can become more charismatic.

Improve your posture. Good posture will give the impression of self confidence (even if you don’t feel that way on the inside). While walking, maintain a relaxed yet definitive upright posture: spine long, shoulders back, head level with the ground. This may feel awkward or overpowering to you when you first practice it, but keep trying.
Relax the muscles in your face to the point where you have a natural, pleasant expression permanently engraved there. Face the world and show everyone you’re not afraid.
Make a connection. When your eyes come in contact with another person’s, nod and smile subtly with a subdued joy shining forth. Don’t worry about the other person’s reaction and don’t overdo it.
Remember people’s names when you meet them for the first time. This takes an enormous amount of effort for most people. Repeat the person’s name when stating your name to that person will help you to remember it better. For example: “Hi Jack, I’m Wendy.” Follow through with small talk and repeat the person’s name. Repeat it once more when you say goodbye. It’s not just about helping you to remember that person. The more you say a person’s name, the more that person will feel that you like them and the greater the chance they’ll warm up to you.
Be interested in people. If you meet a new acquaintance, for example a coworker, a classmate, a friend of a friend, etc. find out about their immediate family and interests. Be sure to ask after the names of family members and remember them. Be careful in that subject though you don’t want to be nosy. If you ask too much they will become uncomfortable. Also ask after their particular interests in life. These two topics will ensure much better small talk than just harping on about school or work. Most people don’t like to think about those things at social occasions unless they have to. Even if it is about networking, you should understand fully the worth of taking a break from talking shop. It is important to refrain from talking up about yourself. Be purely interested and impressed by the person with whom you are speaking.
Orient topics toward the audience. This means taking into account topics that interest those around you, even if you are not so keen on them. If you are in a sporty crowd, talk about last night’s game or the meteoric rise of a new team. If you are amongst a group of hobbyists, draw out their hobbies and make remarks related to fishing, knitting, mountain climbing, movies, etc. Nobody expects you to be an expert. It is your level of interest and willingness to engage in topics that makes you an interesting person to be around. Exercise an open mind. Let others do the explaining. If someone mistakenly thinks you know more about the topic, be genuine and simply say that your knowledge is limited but that you are hoping to learn more about it.
Praise others instead of gossiping. If you are talking with someone or you are talking in a group of people, and up pops the subject of another person in a positive or negative way, be the one to mention something you like about that person. Hearsay is the most powerful tool in gaining charm because it is always viewed as 100% sincere. It has the added benefit of creating trust in you. The idea will spread that you never have a bad word to say about anyone. Everyone will know that their reputation is safe with you.
Don’t Lie. A lie is something you say for which there is some direct evidence somewhere out there that contradicts it. If you tell Mary that you like Jane and Billy that you don’t like Jane, Mary and Billy will talk and your reputation will be ruined. No one will believe a word you say.
Issue compliments generously, especially to raise others’ self esteem. Try to pick out something that you appreciate in any situation and verbally express that appreciation. If you like something or someone, find a creative way to say it and say it immediately. If you wait too long, it may be viewed as insincere and badly timed, especially if others have beaten you to it. If you notice that someone is putting a lot of effort into something, compliment it, even if you feel that there is room for improvement. If you notice that someone has changed something about themselves haircut, manner of dress) notice it, and point out something you like about it. If you are asked directly, be charming and deflect the question with a very general compliment.
Be gracious in accepting compliments. Get out of the habit of assuming that the compliment is being given without genuine intent. Even when someone makes a compliment out of contempt, there is always a germ of jealous truth hiding in their own heart. Be effusive in accepting the compliment. Go beyond a mere “thank you” and enjoin this with “I’m glad you like it” or “It is so kind of you to have noticed.” These are “compliments in return.” Avoid backhanding a compliment. There is nothing worse to a person complimenting than to receive the response “Oh well I wish I was as ______ as you/that situation.” That is tantamount to saying, “No, I am not what you are saying I am, and your judgment is wrong.”
Control your tone of voice. The tone of your voice is crucial. Most people feel insecure somewhere inside and have an inability to accept praise. For this very reason, when you praise, do it subtly and glibly. When you say, “you look nice today” it should be in the exact same tone that you would use to say “it’s a nice day.” Any variation from your normal tone will arouse suspicion about your sincerity. Practice giving compliments into a recorder and play it back. Does it sound sincere? Practice until you get it right.. It might not sound right to you, in that case, ask someone for judgement.

Tips

Developing charisma is an art. The general guidelines above can help you be more charismatic, but your charisma must come from within you and must reflect you as an individual or it will appear fake. Fortunately, everyone has the ability to be charismatic, and it simply needs to be coaxed out. Practice and take note of what works and what needs improvement.
Don’t mimic others. People with well developed charisma have a remarkable ability not only to sway people’s opinions but also to cause others to emulate their personalities and even gestures. At the same time, however, research has shown that charismatic people do not emulate other charismatic people. Their individuality sets them apart.
Have a message. Don’t be afraid to be controversial, to push the envelope. If you believe in something or feel strongly about it, communicate that in a respectful way. Your charisma will help people be accepting of your ideas.

6 Tips for Single Moms: How to Jumpstart Your Dating Life

2008-06-08T01:13:00.000-07:00

My inbox gets flooded every single day with emails from women who ask me, "Your advice is great, but I've got kids. Will it work for me?" The answer is YES!

All the advice I give single women can be used by single moms, too. Now granted, the dating pool for single mothers is a little smaller. To find a great and amazing guy, you need to work a bit harder - and learn how to flirt.

Here are a few tips that will help jumpstart your single-mom dating life:

1. Let's say you are eyeballing Tall, Dark &amp; Handsome who is in the checkout line near you, when little Johnny starts to throw a temper tantrum. Instead of yelling at him because he picked the wrong moment to start a temper tantrum, look at Tall, Dark &amp; Handsome and say, "

Did you used to be like that when you were a kid?

Did you used to be like that when you were a kid?" Tall, Dark &amp; Handsome will start laughing, and you will start flirting while little Johnny continues with his temper tantrum. I can't think of a more romantic way to meet men.

2. You are in the supermarket, and you and little Johnny are in heavy cereal negotiations. You want little Johnny to have the "breakfast of champions," but Johnny wants Lucky Charms. Tall, Dark &amp; Handsome walks right by you. He's laughing and smiling at the ongoing negotiations. Instead of ignoring him, grab those boxes of cereal out of little Johnny's hand and say, "Excuse me, can you help settle an argument? I want my son to be a champion, but he just wants magically delicious. Which one would you choose?"

3. You go to the park and little Johnny is playing with little Katie. Did you ever think that Katie's father might be a single father? So, instead of standing in the corner of the playground, take a look at the man who's looking at Katie.

Smile, walk over and talk about your kids.

4. When online dating, it's really important that the first picture a man sees of you in your profile is one of YOU, not your family. Let him meet your kids when the time is right, but don't post the family on the Internet. When you do that, it looks like you are advertising for little Johnny's next father.

5. When writing an online profile, talk about YOUR passions. Talk about things you like to do besides being a mother. Sure, you can talk about how passionate you are about being a mom. But way too many single mothers write about all the activities they do with their kids.

We men know how much your kids mean to you.

We men know how much your kids mean to you. We just want to know that there's a little time left over for you to have an adult relationship. So, in your profile, you could maybe write something like, "When I am not performing my soccer mom duties, I look forward to some one-on-one adult time with my friends... and possibly you." It's all about how you word it.

6. When you're on a date, don't spend the entire time talking about little Johnny's math achievements or his ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Let a man know all about what's interesting about you besides your children. Keep things balanced -- talk some about the kids, talk more about you.

7 Dating Ups and Downs

2008-06-08T01:11:00.000-07:00

Dating is a process a lot of us really can live without. It's an emotional rollercoaster that can drive you to drink four year-old bottles of Mike's Hard Lemonade from the back of your refrigerator.

Here's my list of the top ups and downs of dating -- and how to feel better about them:

1. Stop the mental post-date recap abuse. You went out with somebody with whom you thought you had a connection, and it turns out you didn't. So now you're going to mentally torture yourself for the next four days trying to figure out what you said wrong. You'll even torture all your friends asking them what you could have done differently.

The post-date recap is a form of mental torture.

The post-date recap is a form of mental torture. You will never know what that other person is thinking unless they call you. If they don't call, it really does mean that he or she is just not that into you (which is about the only good advice from that ridiculously stupid book).

2. We made out in the parking lot and they never called again. Making out is fun! You needed it. They needed it. Don't beat yourself up that you did it, just realize you did it. Be okay with it. It was a great date. You were in the moment, and you experienced something that you wanted to do.

3. I texted them the next morning and said, "I had a great time last night," and they never texted back. So what? You had a great time last night. So did they. They just woke up, and their post-date recap was different from yours. They probably had a good time, but when they thought about it, the chemistry and the "it" factor wasn't there. It's not about you. At least you were honest. So you did all you can do.

4. Should I have said something different in my voicemail message? You left a voicemail message and now you're replaying it in your head a thousand times. "Should I have said 'Last night was fun' with more enthusiasm? Is that why she's not calling me back?"

When it comes to voicemail messages, the shorter the better.

When it comes to voicemail messages, the shorter the better. From an old sales technique, I always prefer to say, "Last night was fun. I have something really funny to share with you the next time we speak." That's it -- it creates a little bit of intrigue, a little bit of mystery and no mental torture.

5. Who cares what they think? You left the above voicemail message without knowing if you'll ever see them again, and they don't call you back. You start to think, "Now they know that I like them, and they don't like me." So what? Is it better to just sit there and hope and pray they call? I always believe in being honest. You've got to do what feels right for you.

6. Stop giving your power away to one person. If a two-hour date can cause you to give away all your power and confidence, then you need to learn to embrace yourself and love yourself more. This is just one person you went out with for two hours. They don't know what an amazing person you are. The only thing they know is the person they sat across from at the table. Whether they choose to hang with you again isn't the issue. The issue is that one person does not determine your worthiness. You've got to toughen your skin.

Rejection is what dating is all about

Rejection is what dating is all about; you can't take it personally. If I go out with someone and I have a great time but they never want to see me again, I'm still a great person the next day.

Want some tips about dealing with dating rejection? See them here

7. In order to feel better about dating, you need to think abundance. Just because you think you like somebody and they don't call you back, this is not the last person in the world you're going to meet. In order to be a successful dater, you need to practice abundance. The power of abundance is training your mind to realize that if it doesn't work out with one person (or 10 people), there are plenty of other people out there who do want to hang out with a fantastic person like you.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

2008-06-08T01:03:00.000-07:00

Most men think that they need a clever line to approach a woman. But through all my years of coaching men and women, I have found that it is not what you say that's important, but how you approach.

Most women put more importance on visual clues to assess a man's character. They don't care what you say, as long as you say it without hesitation and with authority. Unfortunately, most men don't know this, so they walk over to a woman like a wounded animal expecting to be rejected. When you approach like a wounded animal, you will be rejected every single time -- no matter how clever a remark you may have.

With 80 percent of human interaction based on nonverbal body language, what is a man to do? The key to impressing her right off the bat is to be different from all the other men who are approaching her that evening.

Here a few sure-fire ways to make your approach more powerful and convincing, even if you are not sure what you are going to say:

Walk with confidence. When you see a woman that you are attracted to, walk right over. Stand up straight and walk over slowly but with confidence. Make sure your chest is puffed out and your posture is looking strong and not slumped over. Keep eye contact as you approach. Do not hesitate. Most men linger in the background before they approach, then, when you finally do approach, she is quick to turn her back on you. The reason is that you did not exude confidence. Most women notice who is observing them.

When you do not approach within seconds of spotting her, you might as well go home.

Lose the male pack. When out on the town,

avoid being seen with the drunken testosterone pack of males

avoid being seen with the drunken testosterone pack of males. One of the biggest turn-offs for women is the "male pack" -- you with five of your buddies high-fiving each other, drinking and checking out other women. When you approach a woman with your buddies waiting on the sideline, she will impulsively reject you in front of the pack to avoid being scrutinized later. Break away from the male pack and find one other guy to go out on the town with. Save the male bonding for a sports bar.

Dress for a strong appearance. Make sure you're not sabotaging your efforts with your attire. If you look like a slob, it will not matter what your body language says, because you will look like every other man who put no thought into what he was going to wear that night to attract women. Buy clothing that makes you stand out from the rest of the men. Find a cool pair of jeans and some great shirts that give you an edge, so when you walk in with the right body language, women will see you. Keep in mind that shoes are really important too, so find a few pairs that look great on you.
Create a spark within her. Most men's conversation will center on being agreeable and non-confrontational in the hopes that she likes you.

In the mind of a woman, playing it safe equals boring!

In the mind of a woman, playing it safe equals boring! You need to spark her interest by being a bit disagreeable. For example, you get into a conversation about summer movies and she says that "Spiderman III" was her favorite Spidey movie so far. Instead of being agreeable,

look her right in the eye with confidence and tell her that she is so wrong

look her right in the eye with confidence and tell her that she is so wrong -- the first Spiderman was superior. Then proceed to tell her why you think so. This will create a fun, friendly, flirtatious verbal sparring, which will create a spark in her brain. She will realize that you are not a pushover like most men and attraction will start to form in her head.

Maintain some tension.

Flirting with women is all about gathering information

Flirting with women is all about gathering information, so the better listener you are, the better your chances. When you call her, you will have more things to talk about. Before calling a woman, I think about everything she said and then I pick the most juicy topic or opinion and challenge her with it. For example, going back to the example of "Spiderman III," I would text her the next day: "I was thinking U + I need 2 re-watch Spiderman. U R so wrong. Name the time + place + I'll bring the DVD."

She will immediately respond to the challenge and text you back. You have just learned the secret of re-creating the tension that you shared with her. Plus, you are being totally unlike every other guy who waits three days to call her and schedule a predictable dinner date.

e mail etiquitte.

2008-06-03T10:38:00.000-07:00

You want to make sure you're doing everything right when you're e-mailing other people. It's amazing how many people use incorrect e-mail etiquette on a daily basis, so I'm sure this tip will help several others as well. Below is a list of the 10 most common e-mail mistakes people make. Let's check them out!

1.) Vague subject line: I don't know about you,
but when I get an e-mail, I always look at the subject line first to see what it's about.
The subject line is supposed to give you some basic details for
what the e-mail is about and it gives you a reason to actually open the e-mail and read it.
The subject line is especially important if you're dealing with work related e-mails.
Your co-workers probably get several e-mails everyday and if they
don't have a good subject line to go by, they may just skip past it and miss something important. The same goes if you're e-mailing a friend or family member. Take some time to make the subject line perfect!

2.) No signature: It's a good idea to include a signature at the bottom of all your e-mails. Otherwise, your recipients may not know who you are and they could by-pass your e-mail. Your signature should at least include your name and e-mail address. You can also include your physical address and phone number if you want to give your recipients more ways to contact you. You can follow this tip to learn how to create your own signature.

3.) Unclear message: I get e-mails all the time that have no clear message as to what they're really about. When you send out an e-mail, make sure you use complete sentences, correct grammar and correct spelling. Also, take the time to really get your message across. If you don't make what you want to say clear enough, your recipients will be left dazed and confused. Plus, they probably won't bother replying to you, because they won't know what to say in return!

4.) Rambling on: When you're typing out an e-mail, it's best to be short and to the point. While still making yourself clear, you should use short sentences and paragraphs. Just say what you need to say and be done with it. Unless you're e-mailing a friend you haven't talked to in years an update on your life, you don't need to write a novel! Your recipients will better appreciate a clean, cut e-mail.

5.) SHOUTING: We've talked about this before, but I'll say it again: don't use all capital letters when typing out an e-mail. When you do that, it's like you're shouting at your recipient and they might not like that too much! So, before you start typing, make sure the Caps Lock key is turned off. That will make for a much nicer e-mail!

6.) Wrong tone: It's hard to express your tone of voice over an e-mail, but you have to do your best with the way you write. For instance, if you're trying to crack a joke to one of your friends, make sure they'll take it the right way. Otherwise, you might end up offending them. Also, I know I told you to use short sentences, but don't be too short with your recipients. If you are, they might take it the wrong way. If you think something will be interpreted the wrong way, it's best just to leave it out.

7.) Too many attachments: Do you like to send attachments along with your e-mails? That's all good and well, but if they're too large, you may end up annoying your recipient more than anything. It's hard to tell what type of Internet connection they will have or if their computer will even be able to handle a big file. If there's any doubt in your mind, just don't send it! Save your attachments only for the people who need them the most.

8.) Incorrect e-mail address: What's the worst thing you can think of when dealing with e-mail? How about sending one to the wrong person? Yeah, that's pretty bad! To prevent that from happening, you should always double check the recipient's e-mail address before you send it off. Otherwise, it could end up going to the complete wrong person and that's just no good at all!

9..) Mixing e-mail accounts: Do you ever use your work e-mail account to send your friends or family messages? If you do, you shouldn't! It's as plain and simple as that. Your work e-mail should only be used for work related issues and nothing more. Use your personal e-mail account for everything else..

10.) Too much e-mail: If you find yourself rambling on in an e-mail or if you're afraid the message will get mixed up, you're probably relying on e-mail too much. E-mails should be used for quick communication and if you have something more to say than that, you should probably just pick up the phone and call the person or talk to them face to face. Yes, e-mail is convenient and easy to use, but with certain things, it can be a little too much.

There you have it! The top 10 most common e-mail mistakes. If you have made some of these mistakes in the past, don't feel bad. We've all done it, but at least you now know what you can do to correct them. Proper e-mail etiquette is very important and it will help you stay in good relations with all your e-mail buddies as well!

The Seven Deadly Sins of a Relationship

2008-06-02T13:12:00.001-07:00

“Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand.” - Emily Kimbrough

If you can avoid these seven things, and focus instead on doing the four things above, you should have a strong relationship. I’m not going to guarantee anything, but I’d give you good odds.

Resentment. This is a poison that starts as something small (”He didn’t get a new roll of toilet paper” or “She doesn’t wash her dishes after she eats”) and builds up into something big. Resentment is dangerous because it often flies under our radar, so that we don’t even notice we have the resentment, and our partner doesn’t realize that there’s anything wrong. If you ever notice yourself having resentment, you need to address this immediately, before it gets worse. Cut it off while it’s small. There are two good ways to deal with resentment: 1) breathe, and just let it go — accept your partner for who she/he is, faults and all; none of us is perfect; or 2) talk to your partner about it if you cannot accept it, and try to come up with a solution that works for both of you (not just for you); try to talk to them in a non-confrontational way, but in a way that expresses how you feel without being accusatory.
Jealousy. It’s hard to control jealousy if you feel it, I know. It seems to happen by itself, out of our control, unbidden and unwanted. However, jealousy, like resentment, is relationship poison. A little jealousy is fine, but when it gets to a certain level it turns into a need to control your partner, and turns into unnecessary fights, and makes both parties unhappy. If you have problems with jealousy (like I once did), instead of trying to control them it’s important that you examine and deal with the root issue, which is usually insecurity. That insecurity might be tied to your childhood (abandonment by a parent, for example), in a past relationship where you got hurt, or in an incident or incidents in the past of your current relationship.
Unrealistic expectations. Often we have an idea of what our partner should be like. We might expect them to clean up after themselves, to be considerate, to always think of us first, to surprise us, to support us, to always have a smile, to work hard and not be lazy. Not necessarily these expectations, but almost always we have expectations of our partner. Having some expectations is fine — we should expect our partner to be faithful, for example. But sometimes, without realizing it ourselves, we have expectations that are too high to meet. Our partner isn’t perfect — no one is. We can’t expect them to be cheerful and loving every minute of the day — everyone has their moods. We can’t expect them to always think of us, as they will obviously think of themselves or others sometimes too. We can’t expect them to be exactly as we are, as everyone is different. High expectations lead to disappointment and frustration, especially if we do not communicate these expectations. How can we expect our partner to meet these expectations if they don’t know about them? The remedy is to lower your expectations — allow your partner to be himself/herself, and accept and love them for that. What basic expectations we do have, we must communicate clearly.
Not making time. This is a problem with couples who have kids, but also with other couples who get caught up in work or hobbies or friends and family or other passions. Couples who don’t spend time alone together will drift apart. And while spending time together when you’re with the kids or other friends and family is a good thing, it’s important that you have time alone together. Can’t find time with all the things you have going on — work and kids and all the other stuff? Make time. Seriously — make the time. It can be done. I do it — I just make sure that this time with my wife is a priority, and I’ll drop just about anything else to make the time. Get a babysitter, drop a couple commitments, put off work for a day, and go on a date. It doesn’t have to be an expensive date — some time in nature, or exercising together, or watching a DVD and having a home-cooked dinner, are all good options. And when you’re together, make an effort to connect, not just be together.
Lack of communication. This sin affects all the others on this list — it’s been said many times before, but it’s true: good communication is the cornerstone of a good relationship. If you have resentment, you must talk it out rather than let the resentment grow. If you are jealous, you must communicate in an open and honest manner to address your insecurities. If you have expectations of your partner, you must communicate them. If there are any problems whatsoever, you must communicate them and work them out. Communication doesn’t just mean talking or arguing — good communication is honest without being attacking or blaming. Communicate your feelings — being hurt, frustrated, sorry, scared, sad, happy — rather than criticizing. Communicate a desire to work out a solution that works for you both, a compromise, rather than a need for the other person to change. And communicate more than just problems — communicate the good things too (see below for more).
Not showing gratitude. Sometimes there are no real problems in a relationship, such as resentment or jealousy or unrealistic expectations — but there is also no expression of the good things about your partner either. This lack of gratitude and appreciation is just as bad as the problems, because without it your partner will feel like he or she is being taken for granted. Every person wants to be appreciated for all they do. And while you might have some problems with what your partner does (see above), you should also realize that your partner does good things too. Does she wash your dishes or cook you something you like? Does he clean up after you or support you in your job? Take the time to say thank you, and give a hug and kiss. This little expression can go a long way.
Lack of affection. Similarly, everything else can be going right, including the expression of gratitude, but if there is no affection among partners then there is serious trouble. In effect, the relationship is drifting towards a platonic status. That might be better than many relationships that have serious problems, but it’s not a good thing. Affection is important –everyone needs some of it, especially from someone we love. Take the time, every single day, to give affection to your partner. Greet her when she comes home from work with a tight hug. Wake him up with a passionate kiss (who cares about morning breath!). Sneak up behind her and kiss her on the neck. Make out in the movie theater like teen-agers. Caress his back and neck while watching TV. Smile at her often.
Bonus sin: Stubbornness. This wasn’t on my original list but I just thought about it before publishing this post, and had to add it in. Every relationship will have problems and arguments — but it’s important that you learn to work out these problems after cooling down a bit. Unfortunately, many of us are too stubborn to even talk about things. Perhaps we always want to be right. Perhaps we never want to admit that we made a mistake. Perhaps we don’t like to say we’re sorry. Perhaps we don’t like to compromise. I’ve done all of these things — but I’ve learned over the years that this is just childish. When I find myself being stubborn these days, I try to get over this childishness and suck it up and put away my ego and say I’m sorry. Talk about the problem and work it out. Don’t be afraid to be the first one to apologize. Then move past it to better things.

How to Be Charming & Charismatic

2008-06-02T13:12:00.000-07:00

Like beauty, luck, and social position, charisma can open many doors in life. Unlike these other qualities, anyone can become more charismatic.

Improve your posture. Good posture will give the impression of self confidence (even if you don’t feel that way on the inside). While walking, maintain a relaxed yet definitive upright posture: spine long, shoulders back, head level with the ground. This may feel awkward or overpowering to you when you first practice it, but keep trying.
Relax the muscles in your face to the point where you have a natural, pleasant expression permanently engraved there. Face the world and show everyone you’re not afraid.
Make a connection. When your eyes come in contact with another person’s, nod and smile subtly with a subdued joy shining forth. Don’t worry about the other person’s reaction and don’t overdo it.
Remember people’s names when you meet them for the first time. This takes an enormous amount of effort for most people. Repeat the person’s name when stating your name to that person will help you to remember it better. For example: “Hi Jack, I’m Wendy.” Follow through with small talk and repeat the person’s name. Repeat it once more when you say goodbye. It’s not just about helping you to remember that person. The more you say a person’s name, the more that person will feel that you like them and the greater the chance they’ll warm up to you.
Be interested in people. If you meet a new acquaintance, for example a coworker, a classmate, a friend of a friend, etc. find out about their immediate family and interests. Be sure to ask after the names of family members and remember them. Be careful in that subject though you don’t want to be nosy. If you ask too much they will become uncomfortable. Also ask after their particular interests in life. These two topics will ensure much better small talk than just harping on about school or work. Most people don’t like to think about those things at social occasions unless they have to. Even if it is about networking, you should understand fully the worth of taking a break from talking shop. It is important to refrain from talking up about yourself. Be purely interested and impressed by the person with whom you are speaking.
Orient topics toward the audience. This means taking into account topics that interest those around you, even if you are not so keen on them. If you are in a sporty crowd, talk about last night’s game or the meteoric rise of a new team. If you are amongst a group of hobbyists, draw out their hobbies and make remarks related to fishing, knitting, mountain climbing, movies, etc. Nobody expects you to be an expert. It is your level of interest and willingness to engage in topics that makes you an interesting person to be around. Exercise an open mind. Let others do the explaining. If someone mistakenly thinks you know more about the topic, be genuine and simply say that your knowledge is limited but that you are hoping to learn more about it.
Praise others instead of gossiping. If you are talking with someone or you are talking in a group of people, and up pops the subject of another person in a positive or negative way, be the one to mention something you like about that person. Hearsay is the most powerful tool in gaining charm because it is always viewed as 100% sincere. It has the added benefit of creating trust in you. The idea will spread that you never have a bad word to say about anyone. Everyone will know that their reputation is safe with you.
Don’t Lie. A lie is something you say for which there is some direct evidence somewhere out there that contradicts it. If you tell Mary that you like Jane and Billy that you don’t like Jane, Mary and Billy will talk and your reputation will be ruined. No one will believe a word you say.
Issue compliments generously, especially to raise others’ self esteem. Try to pick out something that you appreciate in any situation and verbally express that appreciation. If you like something or someone, find a creative way to say it and say it immediately. If you wait too long, it may be viewed as insincere and badly timed, especially if others have beaten you to it. If you notice that someone is putting a lot of effort into something, compliment it, even if you feel that there is room for improvement. If you notice that someone has changed something about themselves haircut, manner of dress) notice it, and point out something you like about it. If you are asked directly, be charming and deflect the question with a very general compliment.
Be gracious in accepting compliments. Get out of the habit of assuming that the compliment is being given without genuine intent. Even when someone makes a compliment out of contempt, there is always a germ of jealous truth hiding in their own heart. Be effusive in accepting the compliment. Go beyond a mere “thank you” and enjoin this with “I’m glad you like it” or “It is so kind of you to have noticed.” These are “compliments in return.” Avoid backhanding a compliment. There is nothing worse to a person complimenting than to receive the response “Oh well I wish I was as ______ as you/that situation.” That is tantamount to saying, “No, I am not what you are saying I am, and your judgment is wrong.”
Control your tone of voice. The tone of your voice is crucial. Most people feel insecure somewhere inside and have an inability to accept praise. For this very reason, when you praise, do it subtly and glibly. When you say, “you look nice today” it should be in the exact same tone that you would use to say “it’s a nice day.” Any variation from your normal tone will arouse suspicion about your sincerity. Practice giving compliments into a recorder and play it back. Does it sound sincere? Practice until you get it right.. It might not sound right to you, in that case, ask someone for judgement.

Tips

Developing charisma is an art. The general guidelines above can help you be more charismatic, but your charisma must come from within you and must reflect you as an individual or it will appear fake. Fortunately, everyone has the ability to be charismatic, and it simply needs to be coaxed out. Practice and take note of what works and what needs improvement.
Don’t mimic others. People with well developed charisma have a remarkable ability not only to sway people’s opinions but also to cause others to emulate their personalities and even gestures. At the same time, however, research has shown that charismatic people do not emulate other charismatic people. Their individuality sets them apart.
Have a message. Don’t be afraid to be controversial, to push the envelope. If you believe in something or feel strongly about it, communicate that in a respectful way. Your charisma will help people be accepting of your ideas.

Top 10 grooming gaffes men make

2008-04-02T10:34:00.000-07:00

You can have a closet full of designer suits, maintain a stable of exotic sports cars and date a supermodel, but if you're guilty of any of these grooming gaffes… you're just a poseur

1. Nose Hair- If your beak looks like a haunted forest, a little trimming is definitely in order. To eliminate pesky hairs, try a nose hair trimmer.

2. The uni-brow eyebrows are referred to in the plural because people are supposed to have a set. So, if you are the unlucky owner of a continuous "uni-brow" … it's time to do some division. To remove unwanted hairs, use tweezers to grip hairs at their base and pull in the direction of hair growth. A longer-term solution is a quality waxing kit.

3. B.O.- When you just can’t blame the dog any longer, try a scented body wash or nice cologne. Also, don’t underestimate the power of a good deodorant.

4. Bad Breath- If your breath has more kick than Bruce Lee, spend a little more time brushing (specifically your tongue). For additional help, give your mouthwash a solid 30-second gargle.

5. Missed Shaving Spots- In some cultures, a single dime-sized patch of hair on a man's chin or throat is considered "charming." Unfortunately, in today's India it's considered "disgusting." Make sure this doesn't happen to you by always conducting a post-shave review of your tough-to-shave areas (i.e., right under your nose). Then, eliminate any stragglers.

6. Gnarled Mitts- A man's hands don't need to look pretty, but they should certainly be presentable. After all, your mitts are the first thing you offer a prospective boss or wife. To keep your hands looking good, get a manicure every now and then and use a hand moisturizer daily.

7. The Comb-Over- Need we say more?

8. Mismatched Cologne- A cologne may smell great out of the bottle, but less than pleasant once you put it on your body. That's because everyone's body chemistry is unique and certain fragrances just don't fare well on certain people. Cologne isn't supposed to make you stink… so try it on and give yourself a whiff before you buy.

9. Yellow Teeth- The term is “pearly whites”-– not “rusty yellows.” Keep your chompers sparkling with the aid of a whitening toothpaste. Professional whitening systems can also do the trick.

10. Neck Hair- You know that hair that accumulates on your neck in-between haircuts? Well, if there’s enough to braid, you might want to address it. Most barbers offer this service for a reasonable fee.

Night Driving Tips

2008-04-02T10:18:00.000-07:00

Night Driving Tips

Keeping in mind the large number of road accidents taking place every year, one can say that driving is not at all safe and you need to be utterly careful in order to avoid hitting or getting hit. The most difficult time for driving is at night, after the sun goes down. During this time, the vision gets extremely restricted; advantage of color and contrast (available in day) is lost and even depth perception gets diminished. Infect, the risk gets enhanced as soon as it is twilight. So, you need to be extremely careful while driving at night and take as much precautions as possible. Given below are some tips that will help you in driving cars safely at night.

Night Driving Tips

Adjust the outside rearview mirrors in such a way that the bodywork of the vehicle is just outside your view.
Adjust your rearview or side mirror to cut out the glare of headlights from a vehicle following you.
Always be alert and keep looking for flashes of light at hilltops, curves and intersections. This will help you notice a vehicle early on.
Always be at a safe distance from the vehicle you are following. Infect, increase the distance to four to five seconds more than what you would have in the day.
At times, even the streetlights cause a lot of glare. As a solution for this problem, dim the dashboard lights and make use of the sun visor.
Before leaving for an overnight journey, make sure that all the exterior lights of your vehicle are working properly.
Do not take too much stress at night. At the slightest inclination of fatigue, it is better to stop for a while and take a break. You can even take a short nap or have some tea/coffee to help you stay awake and alert.
Driving at a high speed is much more dangerous at night, than during daytime. Never ever over-speed your vehicle at night. As it is, the visibility is low and chances of accidents are higher. Do not increase them further by over speeding.
Headlights, if dirty, will never give 100 efficiency and lighting. Always clean the headlights of your vehicle before going out in the dark.
If by any chance you end up having a breakdown on the way, pull your vehicle completely off the road. Turn on the emergency flashers as well as the parking lights, making it easier for other drivers to see you.
In case there is fog at night, keep the headlights on low beam. Otherwise, not only will you reduce your vision, but also make the other drivers go temporarily blind. At the same time, use fog lamps only in case of fog or inclement weather and not otherwise.
In order to avoid glare from the headlights of an oncoming vehicle, look toward the right side of the road and watch the white line marking the outside edge of the traffic lane.
Never ever overdrive the headlights of your vehicle. Be sure that you are able to stop inside the illuminated area.
One of the major reasons for glare comprises of dirty windows. Before leaving, be sure to clean the inside and outside of your windshield.
The headlights should be turned on as soon as it is early twilight i.e. at least one hour before sunset and make sure to keep them on till one hour after sunrise. This will make sure that the other drivers have no trouble in seeing you clearly.
When you follow another vehicle, always keep your headlights on low beams. This will ensure that the driver is able to see properly.

The Art of Giving

2008-04-01T04:00:00.000-07:00

The Art of Giving

"Rivers do not drink their own water , nor do tree eat their own fruit , nor do rain clouds eat the grains reared by them. The wealth of the noble is used solely for the benefit of others?

Even after accepting that giving is good and that one must learn to give , several questions need to be answered.

The first question is when should one give ?

Yudhisthir asks a beggar seeking alms to come the next day. On this , Bhim rejoices , that Yudhisthir his brother , has conquered death! For he is sure that he will be around tomorrow to give. Yudhisthir gets the message.
One does not know really whether one will be there
tomorrow to give!

The time to give therefore is
NOW.

The next question is 'how much to give ?

One recalls the famous incident from history. Rana Pratap was reeling after defeat from the Moghals. He had lost his army , he had lost his wealth , and most important he had lost hope , his will to fight. At that time in his darkest hour , his erstwhile minister Bhamasha came seeking him and placed his entire fortune at the disposal of Rana Pratap. With this , Rana Pratap raised an army and lived to fight another day.

The answer to this question how much to give is
" Give as much as you can !

The next question is what to give ?

It is not only money that can be given. It could be a flower or even a smile.

It is not how much one gives but how one gives that really matters. When you give a smile to a stranger that may be the only good thing received by him in days and weeks!

"You can give anything but you must give with your heart !

One also needs answer to this question whom to give ?

Many times we avoid giving by finding fault with the person who is seeking. However , being judgmental and rejecting a person on the presumption that he may not be the most deserving is not justified.
" Give without being judgmental !

Next we have to answer 'How to give ?

Coming to the manner of giving , one has to ensure that the receiver does not feel humiliated , nor the giver feels proud by giving.

'Let not your left hand know what your right hand gives? Charity without publicity and fanfare , is the highest form of charity.

'Give quietly !

While giving let not the recipient feel small or humiliated. After all what we give never really belonged to us. We come to this world with nothing and will go with nothing. The thing gifted was only with us for a temporary period. Why then take pride in giving away something which really did not belong to us? Give with grace and with a feeling of gratitude.

What should one feel after giving ?

We all know the story of Eklavya. When Dronacharya asked him for his right thumb as "Guru Dakshina". He unhesitatingly cut off the thumb and gave it to Dronacharya.

There is a little known sequel to this story. Eklavya was asked whether he ever regretted the act of giving away his thumb when he was dying.

His reply was "Yes ! I regretted this only once in my life. It was when Pandavas were coming in to kill Dronacharya who was broken hearted on the false news of death of his son Ashwathama and had stopped fighting. It was then that I regretted the loss of my thumb. If the thumb was there , no one could have dared hurt my Guru?

The message to us is clear.

Give and never regret giving !

And the last question is

' How much should we provide for our heirs ?

Ask yourself , 'Are we taking away from them the "gift of work?- a source of happiness!' The answer is given by Warren Buffett:

"Leave your kids enough to do anything , but not enough to do nothing !

I would conclude by saying: let us learn the Art of Giving , and quoting Sant Kabir:

"When the wealth in the house increases , When water fills a boat , Throw them out with both hands !

This is the wise thing to do!

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. - Your Client's Communications Preferences

2008-03-25T10:51:00.000-07:00

Imagine this: you've worked for hours putting together the proposal that your prospective client requested and are finally ready to hit the send button. You envision the recipient checking e-mail immediately and contacting you within a few hours to seal the deal. You have a mental picture of yourself signing the contract and depositing a nice check into your account

What you don't know is that your prospect doesn't check e-mail everyday. You failed to ask what form of communication this person prefers. Sadly for you, your competitor was on the ball and asked, "How would you like to receive this information?" By the time your e-mail proposal is opened and read, the deal is done, but not with you.

Maybe you called the prospect, who was not in, so you left the information on voice mail and waited all day for a response. As it turns out, this person only checks voice mail at the end of the day. Once again, your competitor knew this.

We are absolutely overwhelmed with ways to transmit information. Current studies indicate that e-mail is the business communication tool of choice. However, many people still prefer the telephone which has been an office staple since Alexander Graham Bell spoke to Mr. Watson from another room. That device is no longer fixed to the wall nor does it reside only on the desk. We can have our cell phones with us wherever we go and use them whenever we feel like it. Some people live by their cell phones so you can forget the office line.

The phone, whichever type it is, comes with all sorts of features and options including voice mail, caller ID and calling waiting. An added bonus to cell phones is text messaging. There are people rarely speak directly to others. They just send or leave messages.

There is the fax machine, which only a short time ago was absolutely revolutionary. Many fax machines only gather dust these days as a result of e-mail, but for some people, fax is more convenient for transmitting certain information. For a few souls, snail or old-fashioned postal mail continues to serve a useful purpose. They like originals.

We all have our preferred means of communication. If you want to be successful, grow your business and develop good client relationships, find out how your clients want to communicate. Just because you think that e-mail is the most efficient tool doesn't mean that your clients and prospects like to sit in front of a computer all day. Some may prefer to use the phone so that they can discuss issues and gauge reactions - something that is hard to do with e-mail. Others may be more comfortable getting your proposal in person.

Respecting your client's communication preferences is not just a courtesy, it's good business. It's not about you; it's about your client.

Never Stop Networking . Especially When You Are Employed!

2008-03-25T10:15:00.000-07:00

Cradle to grave security is gone. The new AT&T will never be called “Ma.” Your key to controlling your career and your destiny is to build high-value relationships. You’re in charge. The question is, “What are you doing to insure your future?”
People like to hire and do business with people they know and trust. It helps if they like you; however, that’s not as important as the confidence or warm and fuzzy feeling they get from already knowing you or being referred to you by someone who does. However, just knowing people isn’t enough. You need to meet and develop and maintain relationships with the right people.
When you are in transition, you have an affinity with the word “networking.” You know you are supposed to do it because outplacement firms, coaches and even your family tell you so. Then you land a job, and you get so caught up in it 24/7 that you forget networking is a valuable lifetime process.
I experienced this firsthand in the late 80s at the first A&T where people had joined the Bell System “for life.” When the down sizing started, many employees (who had left promptly at 5 pm daily to do their own thing) asked me what this “networking thing” was about.
And, not all of them learned the first time. An attendee at a workshop I was doing for an outplacement firm told me he regretted that as a speechwriter for a Bell executive he didn’t use that time to build relationships. “You would think I would have learned,” he said. “I didn’t. This is my second time around since I was let go from Bell. I guarantee you that now I’ll do everything I can to make it the last time.”
Far more than glad-handing and giving out business cards, networking is a strategic art that depends on a thorough knowledge of the process and good communication skills.
First and foremost, you need to determine whom you need to meet to help you find a job or climb the ladder internally and then how and where to meet them. And, if you are employed, you need to have both an internal and external relationship-building plan. You never know how long that job will last!

I. What to do Before You Work an Event
a. Create a Plan
We network for four reasons: Advice, Information, Referrals or Recommendations and Support. Your relationship-building plan helps you focus on what events to attend and why. It also helps you debrief after each event to further focus your efforts.

i. What is the focus of your business or career?
ii. What is your main function?
iii. How does what you do benefit your employer/customers/clients?
iv. Who is your target market?
v. Where can you meet them?
vi. Where can you meet people who can introduce you to them?
vii. Whom do you want to add to your network?

b. Become a Student of Impression Management
People decide 10 things about you within 10 seconds of seeing you. It is based on your image, a combination of appearance and behavior. Every color you wear sends a message. Know what impression you want to create and how to create it. Do you want to say authority, responsibility and knowledge? Then, wear navy blue. Successful? Then wear darker gray. Dependable, practical, stable – brown. Powerful, dignified, sophisticated – black.
Always check out the company’s culture and that of the department you would be working for before deciding what to wear for an interview. When I was at Bell Labs, management and engineers had very different dress codes, and it would have been a faux pas not to know that when interviewing.
Keep in mind that a suit jacket with long sleeves, slightly padded shoulders and a collar makes you look one-third more powerful. You can always take the jacket off in an interview. You can never add it if you didn’t bring it.
Body language also speaks before you open your mouth. Your posture can bespeak confidence or the lack thereof. Eye contact needs to be steady without being too piercing or too weak - maintain it at least 80 percent of the time. You can look down or away in thought; however, you need to return your gaze to the person’s face within seconds. Learn the meaning of different handshakes, and how to react to them.

c. Know Your Relationship-building Strengths and Limitations
Use a behavioral assessment tool such as DISC to know where you excel in the networking arena and where you need work. Just as importantly, learn to read others so you can network in their style and quickly help them feel comfortable.
If you are naturally confident like the Dauntless style and have a powerful stance, handshake and eye contact, ease up a little, lest you overwhelm others. Indefatigables, curb your natural enthusiasm and desire to do almost all the talking. You’ll benefit more from listening more.
Supportive networkers, push your comfort level, and talk with three or four people, rather than just the one who makes you feel safe. And, for those of you with a Careful style, be less stoic and react more. People may think you are aloof, don’t care and don’t want to be bothered with small talk, and therefore, relationship building in general.

d. Create a Meaningful, Useful Verbal Business Card
You all know what an elevator speech is. However, you need a front end to that pitch to inform and intrigue people in networking situations.
That’s why I created the Verbal Business Card (VBS). It’s only a sentence or two. That’s all the longer you have to grab someone’s attention. It is also the length of time that is proper for you to speak before giving someone else a chance. Your VBS also helps you hone in on your top-of-the-mind positioning, a must for every professional, as it influences the direction of your marketing efforts.
Your VBS needs to be laden with benefits. People are most interested in how what you do affects or helps them. The VBS focuses on what you do, not how you do it or who you are. Use active verbs, the most powerful words in the English language.
In your generic VBS, don’t include your company name (unless it is universally known), your company location, your title, labels such as speaker, trainer and go easy on adjectives and adverbs.
You want your VBS to elicit the question, “How?” That’s when you can launch into all the things you are itching to say, i.e. your elevator pitch.
You may need a different VBS for your industry and internal use.

II. How to Work the Event
My 10-Minute Rule for Working a Room breaks down into an introduction, body and conclusion. The introduction is for small talk (a misnomer since this lays the foundation for the rest of the conversation) and possible business card exchange. Remember business card etiquette: If you want someone to have your card, ask them for theirs first. If they do not ask you in return, why give them one? Their silence in this area has spoken loudly!
The goal of the body is to find a commonality. Have your “ask-for” questions prepared so that you can determine quickly if you wish to pursue building a relationship. Equally important are your “listen-for” answers, again, so you can determine if you wish to move to another level.
The conclusion ends the interaction, and for some it is as hard as starting a conservation. Plan endings just as you plan initial words. This helps you politely end one encounter and move on to the next. The person you are speaking with is probably eager to move on, too.

III. What to do After the Event
You will immediately stand out if you do what you promised. This separates those with integrity from those who merely say they will do something.
While there are myriad ways to store your information and follow-up methods, what is most important is that you choose the one(s) that fit the other person’s preferences and behavioral (DISC) style. You need to know if it’s e-mail, a letter, the telephone or lunch. Know whether to talk about the weather or get right to business, whether to meet in their office or a restaurant. Gauge the right amount of time between contacts and how often to pursue others.
People like to be treated in their style, not yours, and as the sales person (and we all sell all day long!), it is up to you to adapt to each situation.
Happy networking!

Cellular Phone Etiquette

2008-03-25T10:14:00.001-07:00

In a recent study, “…70 percent of Americans surveyed identified loud talking in public places as a major irritant.” Source: The Etiquette Advantage in Business. The convenience of new technologies, such as cellular phones, create a whole new set of rules’ regarding what is appropriate. Some states and communities have gone so far as to establish laws against distracted driving habits that include the use of a cellular phone while driving.

Understanding the appropriate behavior or etiquette for a particular situation can actually free us from an endless stream of bureaucracy, but because so few individuals chose to follow common courtesy we are now subjected to law after law to enforce basic common sense. As a wise man once told me, “The problem with common sense, Denise, is it isn’t too common.”

President Bush at one point ordered staffers to switch off ringers on their portable phones when in his presence, especially during meetings. Source: U.S. News and World Report, August 2000. Various restaurants in Chicago, New York, and Los Angeles have special rooms for placing and receiving cellular phone calls so that nearby diners are not subjected to rude patrons. This is all in an effort to remind individuals not to replace convenience with basic courtesy.

Here are a few tips to recall when using your cellular phone in public:

1. Avoid taking or using your cellular phone at a restaurant, movie, church, or meeting. If you must, be sure to place the phone on silent, or the vibrate feature.

2. Limit your conversation on a plane or in close quarters. It may be seen as intrusive, and you never know who is listening.

3. Use a quiet voice. Many individuals feel the need to talk loudly, or scream into their cellular phones. Remember, company secrets and personal information can easily be overheard by those nearby.

4. Do not provide credit card numbers or personal identification information over a cellular phone; use a land-line for additional security.

5. Do not let your phone ring where it can create a disturbance; be sure to try to answer the phone on the second ring.

6. Do not allow a phone call to interrupt the presence of a “live” person. You are telling the person you are with that they are not important and that the call is more valuable than their physical presence. Return the call at a more appropriate time.

7. Refrain from using a cellular phone while driving. Many states and communities now have hefty fines for individuals talking on their phones while driving. Pull over to the side of the road or a near-by parking lot to jot notes and make lengthy conversation. Safety first.

These are just a few of the reminders that should be considered when using your cellular phone. Courtesy and safety should always be remembered. The few exceptions include emergency situations, and relaying urgent information. Enjoy the convenience of modern technology but avoid the pitfalls of inappropriate behavior.

How to Conduct Business Over a Meal

2008-03-25T10:12:00.002-07:00

There is no better place to conduct business than over a meal. However, offensive behavior, inappropriate gestures, and lack of savvy in these situations can be costly to the bottom-line of a business, your future career opportunities, and your new or existing social or business relationships.

Business eating is not just a business; it is an art! Leverage the ability to perform at a business meal with the same tenacity and detail as you would handle your guest’s business, and you will have the self assurance, that equals the confidence, which creates trust; the basis of business relationships. You close more business deals if your prospects like and respect you.

Keys to a successful meal include;

(1) To have a purpose.
(2) Never ask a guest where they would like to dine; the burden of choice is on the host, not the guest, and be sure to select a convenient location.
(3) Never, never, never, invite someone to a club that
permits discrimination...sexual, religious, or racial.
(4) No phone calls at the table (If you do, be aware that is announces that anyone who calls is more important than the real live person you have sitting next to you.).
(5) Take charge the moment the meal begins.

Six ways to lose a deal over a business meal;

(1) Table hop.
(2) Talk about yourself.
(3) Indulge in too much small talk.
(4) Eat too quickly or too slowly.
(5) Cellular phone conversation at the table.
(6) Arrive on the wrong day, time, or location.

Do not allow career-limiting behaviors to be the excuse for undermining that next big business deal or career opportunity.

The 7 Ps of Phone Etiquette

2008-03-25T10:12:00.001-07:00

Etiquette is in essence about proper conduct and presenting yourself favourably. Demonstrating good etiquette is important if one seeks to be successful. An area in which this is essential is the business phone call.

Millions of business phone calls are made every hour and day. Business people that interact solely over the phone yet never meet still form strong opinions of one another. Practising good business phone etiquette helps encourage clear lines of communication, build rapport and avoid misunderstandings.

Most of us can recollect a phone call that left us feeling frustrated or irritated. How much of this could have been attributed to poor phone etiquette? Here we explore a few simple examples of areas within business phone etiquette that should be employed when making or receiving calls.

All successful business interaction needs preparation. The phone call is no exception. It is important to know who you are calling, the most convenient time to do so, the reason for your call and what you can do for them. Be structured, short and sharp.

If the caller is not known to the receiver it is important that the purpose of the call and the caller’s credentials are established immediately. A simple introduction followed by a sentence or two not only shows good phone etiquette but allows the receiver to set the forthcoming information within a context.

Particularise your intention behind the call. Do not assume the receiver understands why you are calling them and what you expect of them. Expand upon information and specify the purpose of the call.

Pass on information that the receiver will understand, appreciate and find useful. Waffling and speaking generically will lose attention and generally reflect poorly on the caller.

Good business phone etiquette demands professionalism at all times. When speaking to someone you do not know avoid informal speech or personal questions. Once a relationship has been built it is considered polite to enquire about weekends, children or other non-sensitive personal matters.

Privacy and security around furtive issues must always be borne in mind on the phone. If it is imperative that sensitive discussions take place over the phone, business etiquette requires that you confirm with the receiver whether this is appropriate.

Be patient. Demonstrating good business etiquette relies on your staying calm, cool and collected under pressure or when facing a testing situation. Your ability to stay patient earns respect and avoids rash actions or decisions.

Although there is much more to business phone etiquette than the above 7 P’s you will find they can go a long way in contributing to an improved understanding of how to use the phone effectively in the business world.

Grace Under Fire-Good Manners in Today's Workplace

2008-03-25T10:10:00.000-07:00

Whether you work in the heat and heart of Silicon Valley or do business farther away from the high tech "fires," there is no work on earth that has not been permanently influenced by the way of life created by the information age and information tools. And, as we all have noticed by now, being able to do business at the speed of light has done enormous damage to conducting business in a human and humane fashion.

A Refresher Course. I would like to offer a few ground rules on insights into how to bring some consideration, grace and style back into your work life. Read on to rediscover good manners you may have misplaced and perhaps learn a few new tips you can incorporate into the way you work. And, as you read through the guides, grade yourself on how you generally conduct yourself at work right now, noting where you can improve.

• Speaking. Use well-modulated tones when you speak in the office and over the phone. Raising your voice in haste, frustration, or anger is always inappropriate. It doesn't foster clear communication and leaves all parties concerned with an "emotional residue" that will interfere with getting work done. And, when "speaking" in e-mail and online, all the same rules apply. Don't "flame" with insults and rudeness and don't "shout" by using ALL CAPS! Finally, do not swear, tell off-color jokes, or bring sexual topics or overtones into your work discussions. This is highly unprofessional and completely inappropriate at work.

• Work Attire. Pages have been written on how to dress at work and while an entire column could be devoted to this topic, we offer a few simple guidelines here. Dress as those in your work group dress. Remember that being casual does not extend to poor grooming—always be clean and neat. If your job requires you to interact with the public, you will probably be required to dress more formally. If this doesn't appeal to you, don't try to buck the system. Find another job. If you wish to climb the corporate ladder, look at the people in positions you want and dress as they do. Avoid clothing extremes, revealing clothing, and evening or party wear in the workplace. And don't sacrifice comfort for trends or fashion. Use good taste or get help figuring out what is tasteful.

• Personal Life at Work. Everyone makes friends at work and there is a fine line that is easy to cross when co-workers become friends. Remember to conduct your personal life outside the workplace and you won't go wrong. Use moderation in your exchanges with work friends so you don't spend too much time socializing. If it is necessary to discuss personal issues or conduct urgent personal business of any sort in your workplace, be brief and discreet, so you don't distract, disturb or offend those with whom you work. The best rule is to discuss personal issues in private and in moderation when at work, so you give your employer what he pays you for—your time, focus and work done well. Keep casual talk to a minimum. Don't bring family members, significant others, friends, and pets into the office for extended periods of time.

• Interaction with Co-Workers. Don't interrupt your work mates. Schedule times to meet whenever possible to go over mutual work. The occasional quick question is unavoidable, but don't let spontaneity rule you and ruin everyone else's schedule and concentration. Open cubicles already remove most of your co-workers privacy, so respect their quiet. And observe the "shut door" of your co-workers who work in offices. Avoid roaming the floor and disturbing others at work when you are less busy. Take your breaks in a break area or cafeteria for the same reason. If you are interrupted or if a co-worker is making too much noise in an adjacent area, calmly and respectfully inform him that you need quiet. You can be polite and firm at the same time. And always treat your co-workers with consideration and respect in all exchanges.

• Your Workspace. Maintain a high standard of neatness and professional decorum in your personal work area. Bringing personal items into that area is your decision, but be aware that what you display is a direct reflection of whom you are and how you wish to be perceived. If you line your cube walls with soda cans or toys, it may be amusing and show that "arty" or "witty" side of yourself, but it also presents you as someone who wishes his sense of humor or playfulness to be the first and most important thing people observe about him. Think about it first! And think twice about displaying controversial, religious, political or extremely personal items in your private work area. And, while it shouldn't have to be said, we must: Never take things from other people's workspace and return anything you borrow with haste! Use earphones if you wish to listen to music or the radio while you work. Don't use a speakerphone without shutting your office door and never use one in an open area. It is extremely rude to carry on your business to the detriment of everyone around you.

• Sharing the Environment. Take care in shared areas. Don't leave your clutter in a conference room after a meeting. And share the "visual, sound and air space" politely at work, too. If you have nervous habits, break them. Don't twitch, jiggle your leg, tap pencils or other items on the table and so on. Never engage in personal grooming in your cube or in meetings. Comb hair, put on make-up, and engage in ALL personal grooming in the restroom or at home. Keep your casual and personal habits outside the workplace. Don't smoke, chew gum, play with your face, hands or other body parts, or absentmindedly snack, whistle or sing in a shared workplace. If you decide to eat snacks, breakfast, or lunch in your cubicle, be considerate of those around you; try to select foods that do not have strong or unpleasant aromas.

• Group Politics. Don't be a whiner, complainer, or negativity "black hole." Do bring a positive attitude to meetings and discussions. You don't have to be rude or sarcastic to say "no." And, while saying "no" politely is a learned skill—it is the professional way to go. Further, don't gossip about or discuss other employees or their performance in any way in their absence. And if you have something you absolutely must say, say it to that person and in private. Avoid bringing a bad mood into your workplace. And never abuse others when you have a bad day. Learn how to be a "team player" and how to take action to make the changes you think are important. If you find this is impossible in your job and that you are distressed by your inability to affect change, maybe it's time to find a job where you can make changes. But don't destroy your current work environment with your unhappiness in the meantime.

• In Closing...Strung together this list of "do's and don'ts" may be daunting at first, but every well-mannered, successful working adult should know and observe them. Take steps to become more than a mindless worker bee. Bring some style and grace into your work behavior today! It won't go unnoticed or for long.

Why Business Etiquette?

2008-03-25T09:45:00.001-07:00

Our shrinking globe places a greater emphasis on the need for awareness regarding appropriate business behavior. It is no longer acceptable for Americans to expect other cultures to act the way we do and conduct business in the same manner.

The understanding of the various protocols, encourages the ability for individuals, companies, and organizations to learn the skills that once achieved will transcend any culture, pocketbook size, or age, and build the bridge of trust necessary in any negotiation.

Remember, that acquiring and implementing business etiquette and protocol skills is not about making your life more difficult. When you move with ease and confidence in any situation you will have the freedom to now focus on the business at hand.

The principles of getting along at one level are precisely the same as getting along at any of the other levels, whether socially or for business. For example, if you are not pleasant to be around, you won't be pleasant to be around wherever you are in the world. The context changes, but offensive behavior is basically received the same in any language.

A principle for living may be used to damage one's self, or to help one's self along the road toward success. Which do you choose?

Information on email etiquette

2008-03-13T10:26:00.000-07:00

Information on email etiquette

Where can I find information on email etiquette; read for the guidelines.

Probably the most irritating thing encountered in cyber space today is improper writing and usage of email. Hopefully this will help clear the air on any questions you might have regarding the writing and sending of email whether it is a simple office memo or a great joke you want to share with your online friends.

The number one rule when writing email is there is NO private email. Some company’s will monitor what their employees are sending and receiving, and there is always the possibility of a hacker cracking your password and reading what you might have considered confidential. Never write anything in an email that you wouldn't mind your mother or your boss reading.

Spelling and grammar is another major pet peeve for many people. Roughly 90% of all email programs designed after 1999 (including the free ones) have a built-in spell check feature. Use this! And please remember, TYPING IN ALL CAPS is considered extremely rude. It is the equivalent of yelling or shouting in cyber space. When addressing an email, address it the same as you would if you were speaking to the person in real time. Please remember to put something relevant in the subject line of your emails, too. Keep in mind that some people can get hundreds of emails in a day, and if your email has a blank subject line, the recipient might delete it thinking it was “junk” mail. Also, there is no need to use excessive punctuation!!!!!

Another frustrating aspect of email is the content that is being sent. A good rule to live by is, keep it to one page if at all possible. Here are the top 5 rules of email etiquette you should know.

1.) Not all programs are alike - Unless you are sure the person(s) you are writing to have the software to view it, do not use fancy text and colors or HTML coding, and if you are sending a link to an in internet site, always type out the actual address.

2.) The cup runneth over - Let’s say you find out that one of your co-workers likes fishing as a hobby. This does not mean that you need to flood this person’s mailbox with every article, joke and newsletter on fishing that you come across. This will definitely not be appreciated unless asked for. Ditto on chain letters, bogus virus warnings and urban legend email. If, for some reason, you find that you cannot help yourself but to send something along the lines of the aforementioned topics, do everyone involved a favor and don’t forward it. Simply copy and paste the meaningful part of the email and send that to your acquaintances. Nobody wants to have to scroll through miles of text and addresses to get to the meat of the mail.

3.) Unnecessary attachments - If you are sending an email you first typed up on, say, MS Word, and it can be fitted in the email, please do not send the letter as an attachment, copy and paste it into your email, needless attachments lead to animosity.

4.) Patience is a virtue – Keep in mind that while some people seem to check their email hourly, others may not check their email for a couple of days, don’t be angry if you think someone is ignoring your email, they may not have had the chance the read it yet. On the other hand, if you are expecting an email, make sure you yourself make the time to read and reply, after all, you know how you feel when you are waiting for an answer, don’t you?

5.) The magic button - When replying to a group email, and there is only one person you’re really replying to, please do not automatically hit your “reply to all” button, send your two cents worth to that person only, everybody will appreciate it.

Now that you know the basics of email etiquette, keep in mind that not everyone knows these simple rules, and contain yourself from correcting another’s writing. Happy writing! :-)

Telephone etiquette tips

2008-03-13T10:25:00.001-07:00

Telephone etiquette tips

Tips on good telephone etiquette by reading this article!

Many things have changed over the years, especially in the evolving world of business. One thing has not changed though, and that is the need for proper telephone etiquette in the work place. Along with company downsizings and layoffs has come a necessity for companies to merge jobs together in order to eliminate human resources and save money. While that may be necessary, it is not necessary that the common element of etiquette, especially telephone etiquette, be left to suffer.

Since customers are the ones who infuse the profits into a business, they do not appreciate being treated with rudeness in their dealings with a company. This includes any business that is conducted on the telephone.

Proper telephone technique involves some basic common sense in which everyone who works for a company should use. Here are some basic tips:

Incoming Calls:

Tip 1- All incoming calls should be answered in a timely manner.

Tip 2- Business telephones should always be answered with a phrase like, "Good morning, ABC Company, Carol speaking, may I help you?" In a busy office setting that fields hundreds of calls each day, this particular phrase may be too much to say. If so, it can be shortened to a phrase that is less wordy. But the name of the company needs to be stated as soon as the phone is answered along with the person's name who answered the phone. This lets the caller know that they have indeed reached the right business, and lets them know with whom they are speaking.

Tip 3- Never put a caller on hold, but if you have to, be sure to check back with them every minute or so and ask if they would like to continue to hold. This lets them know that they have not been forgotten, and that you are attending to their call.

Tip 4- Speak clearly and slowly when you answer a business telephone. Do not slur or mumble your words. Speak with confidence so the person on the other end has the feeling that you know what you are doing.

Tip 5- Never be rude to a caller, no matter how nasty they are. Always remember to handle yourself in a professional, business-like manner. This includes handling the situation in a calm, cool manner.

Outgoing Calls:

Tip 1- Same as Tip 4 above--Speak clearly and slowly when you make a business call. Time may be money, but if the other party cannot understand what you are saying, then you might as well have saved your breath and not made the call at all.

Tip 2- Same as Tip 5 above--All customers expect to work with a professional organization. One sign of a professional organization is how they are treated by the people who work there.

Tip 3- When calling another business, it is proper etiquette to give your name and the company's name you work for to whomever answers the telephone. Do not make them guess who it is or make them pry it out of you.

Tip 4- If you get the wrong number, apologize to the person who answers the phone--do not just hang up. This is especially important nowadays when people have Caller ID on their phone lines. All they have to do is to check their device to find out who just rudely hung up on them.

Tip 5- When leaving a phone message, always state your name, company, phone number and reason for calling. Do not stammer or stutter and use up an unreasonable amount of time.

Cube and cubicle etiquette

2008-03-13T10:25:00.000-07:00

Cube and cubicle etiquette

If your work area is a cubeor cubicle there are certain etiquette protocols that will likely make you life easier to handle. Several strategies to help you survive life in this goldfish bowl.

If your work area is a cube, you can likely hear your next-door neighbour lie to his creditors, tell his wife that he's working late and close and important deal. Here are a few strategies to help you survive life in this goldfish bowl:

Speak softly

Be aware that your voice projects. A loud voice makes working conditions difficult for your co-workers. It’s distracting and makes concentrating on the task at hand very difficult, and should they also be engaged in a telephone discussion may very well overwhelm the voice in their telephone.

Do not use a speaker phone

This would make things even worse, because the person next door is not only distracted by your voice, but your party’s voice, too.

Confidential matters

Do not discuss confidential matters in your cubicle. Cubicles offer very little privacy, so you should not discuss confidential matters there. Your board room is an excellent place to hold meetings where confidential information will be exchanged. If you need to discuss the issue on the telephone, find out if you can borrow a phone in someone else’s office to conduct this discussion.

Keep your personal cellular phone off. You are on the phone, and engaged in a long but hopefully profitable consultation with a client. Your cellular phone starts ringing. Because you are engaged, it will take longer for you to answer the call. In the meantime your phone will create more noise and distract other employees.

Take your cellular phone to lunch

When you go to lunch, take your cellular phone with you. This is to ensure that should your phone ring, you are at hand to answer it. Leaving it behind is unfair, especially if it’s on, as the noise may prove distracting. Also, a cellular phone is very valuable, and you should not leave it lying about. It is your responsibility to look after it, not pass the buck to your neighbor.

Turn your answering machine on

When you leave your desk, set your answering machine on. Your neighbor should not have to field your calls, or try to work while your telephone rings constantly, unattended.

Keep your personal calls to a minimum

It’s best if your receive personal calls at lunch or during your breaks, and no more. Your private life is your own, and you should not inflict it on your neighbors.

Do not interrupt someone who is on the telephone

You should refrain from using sign language to interrupt someone who is on the phone. It is better that you wait until the call is finished, before you approach the person and tell them whatever it is that you’d like to discuss.

Use your conference room for meetings

Space is at premium in open plan office arrangement, so it’s best that you meet your clients at a conference room, rather than at your desk. First of all, you want your client to be bale to relax, and to have the opportunity to provide them with excellent service without interruptions from your phone, colleagues or the activities taking place around you. Also, your neighbor is in fact, in her office, and should have the privacy to conduct business without worrying about a non-employee listening in on what she says.

Do not use screen savers which make noise

One man’s music is another man’s noise, so it’s very important that you allow others to work in a quiet area.

Interruptions

The cubicle next to yours is someone else’s office. Would you barge into a colleague’s office without knocking and being told to come in? The cubicle is your colleague’s office space, so respect it. Respect other people’s space when they look busy. When your colleague looks busy, pretend that the office door is closed, and they are in a meeting with the company president. So there should be no interruptions until you pick up the signal that they may be wiling to talk. On the other hand, don’t make eye contact with someone when you don't want to be interrupted.

Hear no evil

Should you happen to overhear private or confidential conversations, pretend that you never heard it all. More importantly, don’t repeat what you heard to others.

Beware of smells

Don’t wear too much perfume or aftershave: you may think that it smells wonderfully, while your neighbor chokes on it! Keep snacking to a minimum. Would you walk into someone else’s office, pull out a chair and start snacking? Absolutely not! The same principle applies to cubicles. Yes, you are in your side of the room, however, the partition offers very little privacy, so your neighbor will be forced to listen to all the crunchy noises your apple makes, or worse, have the aroma of your fries wafting in her direction while she tries to get some work done.

Be careful of the impression you make

Your cubicle gives your colleagues and people around you an impression of the person you are. Recognize that, and make sure that it does present a good impression. That means that it should be keep tidy and clean, with documents filed in their proper places.

Online chat room etiquette

2008-03-13T10:24:00.001-07:00

Online chat room etiquette

Manners and protocol of chat room etiquette.

The Internet has opened up a whole new world for us to meet online and converse real time about our hobbies, thoughts, and beliefs. However, as in face to face communication, there are some common courtesies and protocols that must be observed while addressing others online.

A first rule of thumb is to use proper judgment when selecting a nickname that you will use in the chatroom. Avoid using any rude or inappropriate names, as this will only cause others in the room to ignore you. Instead, use a name that best describes yourself to others. This can as simple as using your first name, initials, or even a hobby or interest. For example, a chat room about parenting may contain such nicknames as supermom, mom2boys, or suzieb.

Now that you have selected your name and are ready to chat, there are some proper greetings you should know in order to initiate a conversation. The best way to accomplish this is to use a simple, pleasant greeting, such as “Hi Everyone”, or “Good Morning”. If this fails to catch anyone’s attention, you could attempt to address a particular member with a question. An example of this would be “mikeg, can you recommend any good mystery novels”. The person you are addressing will usually respond, thus launching your chat interaction. While you are chatting, always make sure you do not type in capital or boldface letters, as this is considered yelling in the online world. While it may attract attention, it is hard on the eyes to read, and you will either be scolded or not addressed at all.

Many people in chat rooms tend to let their guard down and may insult or verbally abuse you. In fact, there are many instances where someone will enter the chat room just to annoy others in this way. While your instinct is to fire back in the same manner, try to restrain from doing so. You should either ignore the person, or use your chat software to block their messages. If the verbal sparring is a result of a disagreement with another member, try to remedy the situation by politely talking it over together. Remember to respect the beliefs and opinions of others in the room. At the same time, if you find you are in the wrong, be sure to promptly correct yourself and apologize to those that you have offended.

Another inappropriate chat room behavior is asking others personal questions such as their age, sex, and marital status. While it is tempting to want to know more about the person you are conversing with, use the same judgment as you would in a face to face conversation. Unless you know the person very well, and you are both comfortable with sharing personal information, refrain from asking such questions.

There are some other tips to follow when chatting online. First, welcome and respect any newcomers that are entering for the first time. Offer advice when asked, as they may not be sure what to do or how to converse. Also, if you are a chat room moderator, or regular, try not to overload the room with constant advice or opinions and give others their chance to speak. If your messages are long, try to type and send it in sections to avoid constant scrolling on other members’ screens. If possible, send the lengthy message privately or to a couple of members at a time.

Finally, remember to treat others online in the same way you would want to be treated. By observing these basic rules of etiquette, everyone can have a better online chat experience.

What is E-mail etiquette?

2008-03-13T10:23:00.000-07:00

What is E-mail etiquette?

Learn some proper e-mail etiquette by reading this article!

Email is the foremost method of communication today. And, it is undoubtedly one of the most widely used methods of communication used today next to the telephone, the post office, and the FAX machine.

Like every other form of communication, one must use proper etiquette when dealing with other human beings. There are, of course, rules of etiquette which pertain to email, and here they are:

Rule Number One- Do not use all uppercase letters when typing in your email message. USING ALL UPPERCASE LETTERS in an email message is equivalent to shouting at someone in person. This is considered rude in Internet circles. If you want to make a word or words *stand out*, then you should place an asterisk directly before and directly after the word or group of words. Note the example given. This is an effective as well as proper way of emphasizing your thoughts in your email messages.

Rule Number Two- Like a letter that is sent via the traditional snail mail method, or words that are said, once it is sent or they are said, they cannot be retrieved. emails are the same way. Therefore, before you send an electronic message, you should re-read it to make sure that you have said exactly the message that you want to express. You should also spell check the entire document in order to omit any possible spelling errors. That, and it never hurts to check your punctuation as well. Remember that your email message reflects on you as a person. If the spelling is poor, or if the grammar is lacking, then it does not make a good impression on the receiver. This is especially important in conducting business matters via email, but is important in every day email usage too.

Rule Number Three- Do not spam. Spamming someone means that you send them advertisements and other forms of junk email to them without their permission. This is not only considered to be rude, but spamming is a major sin in the world of the Internet. Before you send anyone any sort of advertisements for your business, etc., you must first secure their permission.

Rule Number Four- Unlike face-to-face communications with another person, email loses the use of bodily gestures, like a smile, a frown, a shrug of the shoulders, or a wink of the eye. To take the place of these gestures, emailers use symbols which are commonly known as emoticons. You can use these within your emails to help communicate your thoughts and feelings. For example, to communicate a smile, simply use a colon, a dash, and a parenthesis like this :-) happy face. Or, a frown would look like this symbol :-( . These are widely known symbols that are used by many and are easy to recognize and understand. A face showing a wink would simply be a colon, a dash, and a semi-colon like this symbol ;-). There are many emoticons to show the other person that you are communicating with a wide-range of the emotions that you are trying to convey.

Basically, you must keep in mind that there is a human being at the other end of your email messages. Remember to use the same manners as if you were talking to them in person. For most conversations, you will keep your messages short and to the point too, as it is common for person's eyes to get tired from looking at a computer screen.

Proper chat room etiquette

2008-03-13T10:22:00.000-07:00

Proper chat room etiquette

Like any other form of communication, you need to use proper etiquette while in chat rooms. Find out some basic guidelines by reading this article!

Chat rooms are a very popular as well as a very busy place for people to hang out on the Internet. It is a good place to meet and talk to people from all around the world. It is just like the telephone or being at a party though, becuase chat room involvement requires that everyone use the proper etiquette. Proper etiquette is needed for good relationships and good communication with other people, and it also makes the chat room experience a fun one.

Here are some basic chat room rules of proper etiquette that will help your chat room experiences be more pleasant for you as well as the others in the room.

Rule Number One- This is probably the most important rule. Do not verbally abuse, attack, embarrass, or threaten anyone else in the chat room, no matter what they might say to you. You are bound to find some troublemakers on the Internet. But, the best way to deal with them is to just ignore them or simply leave the room.

Rule Number Two- Do not use obscene, offensive, or sexually explicit language. You don't need to use this kind of language in order to speak to someone or to get your point across to others.

Rule Number Three- Never type your messages in by using all capital letters. On the Internet, this is considered to be screaming or yelling at another person, and, of course, this is nothing short of rude. If you want to *emphasize* a word or phrase, simply type an asterisk in before and then directly after your word or phrase. This is a widely recognized way to get your point across without being rude.

Rule Number Four- There are two things that are sometimes typical, especially with young chatters, that you really should not do. One is what is commonly known as the Sex Check. This is when someone in the room sends a message to everyone asking whether they are M (males), or F (female). This is not generally considered to be in good taste unless you are in a chat room that is specifically for people who are looking for a love interest.

Remember how it is bad manners to ask someone, especially a woman, their age? Well, the same rule applies to an Internet chat room. Never ask everyone in the room how old they are. This is another typical thing done by young chatters who want to meet a guy or girl.

Rule Number Five- When you are entering a chat room, you should always greet everyone whether you know them or not. Be sure to wait until there is a lull in the conversation already in progress, though. Don't interrupt. And, when someone else enters the room, you should make it a point to at least recognize their presence and greet them with a friendly "Hi (their screen name)!"

Rule Number Six- Don't speak unless you know what the conversation is about first. And, in speaking while in a chat room, don't type in long, detailed messages that will take alot of time and space. Also, never interrrupt someone else. Be patient; you will get your chance to speak.

By following these rules, your chat room experiences can be positive ones. You can make new friends and connect with others who share your same interests.

E mail etiquette and common sense

2008-03-13T09:57:00.000-07:00

E mail etiquette and common sense

Internet mail, or e mail has it's own etiquette. Ignoring it can mean the difference between success and failure to get your message read.

Email Etiquette

It's so easy! Just type in your message and click on the 'send' button or find it in the drop down menu and off your message goes - to your mother, to your boss, to the webmaster of the most awesome website you've ever visited!

And the thrill of receiving an email from the editor of your favorite online magazine!

But wait. If you're new to the world of instant 'mail' via the internet, or if you've been around awhile but seem to have missed a few basic lessons along the way, there are a few rules that will help make your email more effective, or, at least not obnoxious!

Email has probably made the biggest impact on business and personal communications since the Pony Express, but it's easy to misunderstand the nature of it.

Strictly speaking, it's not mail. It's not memos flying back and forth and it's not refrigerator notes. It's not a phone call; it's not a formal letter, nor is it necessarily interactive.

One assumption that many people make is that the person on the other end reads all email immediately. Some people get hundreds of emails each day, and have to set aside a particular portion of their day to sort through the messages, deleting what isn't important or interesting - or that doesn't demand an answer.

If you want your email read, use a comprehensive, specific subject line. Cutesy is fine for a good friend and boring is even ok for a business memo (if it's a timely topic).

If you change the topic in the text, change it also in the subject line.

Don't send chatty but pointless email, unless you're absolutely sure that the receiver has time and is interested in a conversation.

When you do have something to say, be brief. The receiver may not have time to read a long email, or may not be interested in your topic at all, or may not be impressed with your delivery.

Don't forward 'alerts', stories, sermons, poems or news releases, unless you're absolutely sure the receiver wants to read them. NEVER forward more than one or two of a 'newsletter'. If a person isn't subscribed to it, the chances are that it doesn't interest him.

SHOUTING in upper case letters or excessive use of exclamation points ('bangs') are never acceptable and will usually get your email trashed without so much as a glance if you use them in the subject line, but don't use them in the text either; they're rude.

Be normally polite. If you wouldn't normally grunt 'nope' to a request to someone's face, don't do it via email, either. An email is not a telegram... use grammar and form.

Don't send HTML email unless it's asked for. HTML can't be read by all email programs or servers, and it takes longer to download. Fancy colored fonts and the like can even crash an email program. Not a good impression to make! (It also can be irritating to get what looks like a screaming web page in your mail.)

Always use the automated quote, but always edit it! Don't quote every word of every email when you reply. Keep it to a minimum, only so that the receiver can see at a glance what has gone on before in the conversation.

When you return an email, don't reply to everyone the email has been sent to, unless it's necessary. If you foward an email, and it's been forwarded to you, remove the '>' before each line. It's simple to do in most email programs; simply check your spelling and grammar; proofread. If you're writing about a subject that could be misunderstood, let it cool for a period before reading it again. Don't intentionally flame anyone.

Remember that email is not necessarily private! If you wouldn't say something to a person's face, it's best to not say it in an email. Your boss, the server's administrator, the person you're emailing to, and anyone with access to any of those computers - yours, the receiver, the boss, etc, has access to your email. It's not uncommon for people to copy and paste entire texts from an email into a forum, usenet or listserv where thousands of others can read it. Don't take a chance.

If you use a signature, keep it short and relevant. ASCII pictures and ultra long signatures can make your email feel intrusive. Be especially careful about this if you're posting to lists or forums.

Since the internet by definition is international, intercultural, and 'inter' almost everything else, be very careful of offending others. Religious, racial, political and cultural remarks, even made in perfect innocense, can offend, hurt feelings and anger someone, somewhere.

Sign your name. Just because it's your account, doesn't mean that it's actually you writing the email. Also, it's just good manners.

Don't spam! That awful four letter word makes more enemies than friends, so why would you want to use it? Even when it's targeted the returns are low. Most people resent unsolicited advertising, especially if they have to wait for it to download.

The worst is to send spam in HTML. Unless you're into making a lot of enemies real fast, don't do it.

Do use emoticons - those helpful ASCII characters that symbolize a smile or frown or other expressions.

Here are a few:

:) or :-) - smile

;) or ;-) wink

:P Sticking out your tongue (only to close friends!)

:( or :-( frown or sad face

@>->- Kudos or congratulations (a rose or flower)

Email will probably never replace the phone or snail mail, but it fills a need in our world for quick, direct, enjoyable and even intense communication with people around the world, or in the next room.

10+ e-mail best practices to share

2008-03-09T16:59:00.000-07:00

10+ e-mail best practices to share

1.Prevent virus outbreaks and spam

Viruses are often spread through e-mail. You can greatly reduce the spread of e-mail viruses by using antivirus software, using only e-mail services that offer automatic antivirus protection (such as AOL, Google, Hotmail, and Yahoo), opening e-mail only from trusted sources, opening only attachments you're expecting, and scanning attached files with antivirus software before opening them.

Spam is loosely defined as unsolicited bulk e-mail and loosely correlates to the junk mail that turns up in your home mailbox. But spam represents more than unwanted clutter. It clogs e-mail accounts—and networks and servers—while trying to sell products, spread jokes, or propagate Internet hoaxes.

Reduce the amount of spam you receive by being cautious where you post your e-mail address. Avoid publishing your e-mail address on Web sites or submitting it to every site or organization that requests it.

Never forward chain messages, which often reveal coworkers’ and colleagues’ e-mail addresses to other parties. Use caution when accepting e-mail offers or agreeing to accept mailings from vendors; subscribe only to Web sites and newsletters you really need and consider creating a generic Hotmail or Yahoo e-mail account for these subscriptions.

Don’t open unsolicited e-mail. If you accidentally open spam, don’t click links offering to unsubscribe or remove you from the mailing list unless the sender is a trusted vendor

2. Avoid phishing attacks

Phishing scams are designed to steal consumers’ personal information. They often use doctored and fraudulent e-mail messages to trick recipients into divulging private information, such as credit card numbers, account usernames, passwords, and even social security numbers.

Online banking and e-commerce are generally safe, but you should always be careful about divulging personal and corporate information over the Internet. Phishing messages often boast real logos and appear to have come from the actual organization, but those messages are frequently nothing more than copyright infringements and faked addresses. If you suspect a message possesses any credibility, you are much safer calling the company directly—preferably at a telephone number printed on a paper statement or invoice—and talking to an authorized representative.

3.Manage your Inbox

Sort messages by priority, subject, date, sender, and other options to help find important e-mail that requires your attention. Proper e-mail etiquette dictates that you respond to all e-mail in a timely fashion. Generally speaking, you should respond to all professional e-mail within a business day, even if it’s just to say you’ve received the message and will look into the matter. Occasionally, you may receive an e-mail thread that contains responses from several people; always read the entire thread before responding.

4.Compose professional messages

Writing subject lines can be tricky, but you should always include one. The goal is to summarize the message without being too wordy or too vague. Long subjects tend to be skimmed or ignored, and they don’t always fully display in e-mail viewers. For best readability, use sentence case for subject lines rather than all caps:

Agenda for meeting on 02/03/2008

Not

AGENDA FOR MEETING ON 02/03/2008

5.Properly use CC and BCC

The carbon copy (CC) and blind carbon copy (BCC) features found in most e-mail clients allow you to send copies of an e-mail to others you need to keep informed but who aren’t necessarily the primary recipients.

When copying others, be certain the e-mail message pertains to them. If you use e-mail address lists, verify that all of the members of the list should receive the e-mail, too, and remove those who don’t need to be included. And use the BCC feature sparingly. If sensitive topics require BCCing others, it may be best to take the matter offline and discuss it in person.

7.Obey etiquette rules when forwarding messages

Before you forward an e-mail, make sure that all recipients need to receive the message. In addition, be careful when forwarding sensitive or confidential information. Never forward proprietary information to external audiences or to unauthorized recipients. Before clicking the Send button, review whether a message’s contents are appropriate for each listed recipient.

8.Don't be a party to a flame war

Flame wars are heated e-mail exchanges that are more emotional than reasoned, and they have no place in professional communications. If you receive a flame or suddenly find yourself in a flame war, take a little time

before responding, if you respond at all. Think about the situation and reply rationally not emotionally.

You may also decide not to reply but to deal with the issue in person. Often, flame wars are started because of a simple misunderstanding. An ill-phrased comment (or even a well phrased one) can be misconstrued by a recipient, who then fires off a salvo in response. Instead of replying, go talk to the person and discuss the message. If talking with the person doesn’t end the problem, involve a manager for assistance in resolving the issue offline.

9.Protect e-mail addresses

Don't divulge your coworkers’ e-mail addresses to vendors, friends, or others outside the organization. Verify that recipients listed in the To and CC fields should be receiving messages and that you won't be revealing others' e-mail addresses in the process. Don't post your or coworkers’ e-mail addresses on Internet forums or bulletin boards, on Usenet groups, in chat rooms, or in other public areas.

Here are a couple of simple ways to help keep others’ e-mail addresses private. First, use the BCC feature when you need to hide their e-mail addresses from external audiences. Second, delete their addresses from messages you forward. It takes only a few moments and will reduce the chances of coworkers’ e-mail addresses proliferating in the wild.

10.Be smart about handling attachments

E-mail attachments consume inordinate amounts of e-mail server space and network bandwidth and are often the culprits behind virus outbreaks—but they're often the easiest way to transfer files. Just be sure to follow these guidelines when e-mailing attachments:

1. Don’t attach large files to an e-mail.

2. Limit the number of files you attach to a message to five or fewer.

3. Save attachments to your hard drive and then delete the e-mail message containing the attachment.

4. Don’t open unexpected attachments or those sent by unknown parties.

5. Always scan files with an antivirus program before opening an attachment. Never click an attachment without first confirming that it’s virus-free.

6. Don't annoy recipients by forwarding attachments they can’t access. If an attachment requires a new or less-common application, say so in your message.

11.Don't include sensitive or potentially embarrassing information

Don't make the mistake of thinking your e-mails are private. They're not. Think of them as postcards. You should never include any information in an e-mail that you wouldn’t want published on the front page of your local newspaper. In other words, never send confidential, proprietary, sensitive, personal, or classified information through e-mail. You should also refrain from making inflammatory, emotionally charged comments in e-mail.

12.Know when to use e-mail (and when not to)

Businesses provide e-mail for professional, business-related use, not for jokes, gossip, or chain e-mails. Also remember that you shouldn't send an e-mail to do a conversation's work. Complicated subjects are often difficult to explain face to face, much less in an e-mail. Instead of firing off a complicated explanation via e-mail, set up a short meeting to address the issue in person.

E-mail is also a poor stand-in for conversation when conducting critical, difficult, and/or unpleasant discussions, such as issues related to human resources matters. Touchy communications are best handled in person.

13.Hoaxes, scams, and urban legends - the downside of email

Email hoaxes are the online equivalent of urban legends. Email hoaxes may entail a variety of subjects from virus warnings to false stories of plans to start taxing email. Often they are harmless in nature, but they can cause unnecessary chaos and sometimes fear. Most people have good intentions when they forward these email messages. They are probably unaware that they are circulating an email hoax.

It is important to recognize when you receive a hoax so that you can play a part in stopping it from spreading. With email hoaxes, it is often difficult to distinguish whether or not it is truth. Many sound like they are doing you a favour by warning you of something dangerous (a computer virus, medical risk, etc.). The email will often look legitimate by falsely citing reputable sources.

Here are some questions to consider if you suspect an email may be a hoax:

· Does the email suggest that you email it to everyone you know?

· Does the email start out by saying 'This is not a hoax'?

· Can you see that the email has already been forwarded through a lengthy chain of people?

· Does the email cite a source (i.e. CNN) but no date that the info was released or link to that source's web site?

· Does the email sound too good to be true? (i.e. Microsoft will pay you $5 for everyone you send this to)

· Does the email have an 'urgent warning'?

· Does the email ask you to delete files?

If you answer yes to any of these questions, you may be dealing with an email hoax.

Before you consider forwarding any email that asks you to forward it to anyone else you should be able to do the following:

· Verify the original date the message was created and sent.

· Verify the original sender of the message.

· Verify any quotes made by any organizations mentioned with specific URL's (web addresses) that backup the claims made in the message.

· If the e-mail is for a cause, be able to verify the date of any action mentioned and/or the specific piece of legislation that is mentioned

· Just Google it to find out whether it is a HOAX or NOT

Pradeep Kothari added you as a friend on Boxbe

2008-03-08T19:12:00.002-08:00

Just a reminder, Pradeep Kothari is using Boxbe to protect his email. He wants to make sure that you and your friends can reach him.

Get your free Boxbe account to protect your email and help Pradeep

Please do not reply directly to this email. This message was sent at the request of pkkothari@boxbe.com. Boxbe will not use your email address for any other purpose.

Boxbe, Inc. | 230 California Street | Suite 302 | San Francisco, CA 94111

Pradeep Kothari added you as a friend on Boxbe

2008-03-08T19:12:00.001-08:00

Just a reminder, Pradeep Kothari is using Boxbe to protect his email. He wants to make sure that you and your friends can reach him.

Get your free Boxbe account to protect your email and help Pradeep

Please do not reply directly to this email. This message was sent at the request of pkkothari@boxbe.com. Boxbe will not use your email address for any other purpose.

Boxbe, Inc. | 230 California Street | Suite 302 | San Francisco, CA 94111

Pradeep Kothari added you as a friend on Boxbe

2008-03-05T18:50:00.001-08:00

Pradeep Kothari uses Boxbe to receive email from people who matter and wants to make sure your friends can reach them.

Do you want to make sure your friends can reach Pradeep?

Please do not reply directly to this email. This message was sent at the request of pkkothari@boxbe.com. Boxbe will not use your email address for any other purpose.

Boxbe, Inc. | 230 California Street | Suite 302 | San Francisco, CA 94111

Be a dinner dandy

2008-02-23T23:34:00.001-08:00

Even the most well-groomed and impeccably mannered have at some point of time or another had the misfortune of making fools of themselves and wishing the floor would open up and swallow them. However, one should keep in mind that we are only human and bound to falter sometime.

If you are invited to a formal sit down dinner party for the first time and aren't quite sure how to sail through the evening without making any faux pas here are some helpful hints. As I have repeatedly said in my columns, nobody knows you are a bundle of nerves except yourself… and that's your best kept secret!

Make sure you walk in with confidence and your body language should have the right degree of poise and elegance. It would be a good idea to check with the host/hostess in advance for a dress code, if any. Make sure your clothes are tasteful, fit well, appropriate for the occasion and send out positive signals..

If you are opting for something flashy and revealing, be careful that your attire is tasteful and not inappropriate for the occasion.

If you are tense when you begin a conversation, take a deep breath to relax the body. Contrary to the popular belief, ignorance is not bliss, so keep yourself updated on current events by watching the news, reading newspapers, catching the latest films, reading books, etc.

Be a good listener, make direct eye contact and be sincere. Religion, politics and personal questions are more or less taboo in formal or semi-formal dos. Keep the conversation light and impersonal. Ensure you circulate and don't get stuck talking to one person.

•   At the dinner table make sure you talk to both people seated on either side of you. At a formal dinner, the order of service would be hors d'oeuvres (appetiser), soup, salad, entre (main course), cheese and fruit, dessert and coffee.

•   Ensure that the first thing you do when you sit down is place your napkin on your lap.

•   The oversized plate at the centre of your place setting is a base plate or decorative plate, which is not to be eaten out of.

•   If confused with the multiple sets of cutlery, work your way from outside inwards. Please do not save used cutlery or make clanking noises with them.

•   Generally white wine would be served with white meat and red wine with red meats. A port wine would be served with the cheese and fruit.

•   Food comes up to your mouth, you do not stoop down towards it, and please do not talk with food in your mouth!

Playing Mr Nice...

2008-02-14T08:07:00.000-08:00

After your date tonight, (if it's one of your first few ones) you really want her to refer to you as a 'nice person', right? Although you might have striven hard to get the 'bad boy' image (at least with fellow male friends), you better strive equally hard if not more, to be 'mister nice who cares for one and all' if you want the woman you desire.

If you just thought you're 'nice' anyways, you could be in for a shock. Sure you're nice – most people are. So what?

Being nice is not enough. Making her comfortable at the dining area or opening the door of your vehicle for her is good, but you also need to be interesting. (FYI, a 'nice guy', women have told us, equates to 'wimp' in too many people's minds.)

Following are some significant things that can make the difference between a regular nice guy and a 'successful' one. Read it twice…or more. In fact we suggest you stick it on your bedroom wall if you're single and dating.

1   Women love a man who is a challenge. The quickest and easiest way we've ever heard to let a woman know that 'you' are the guy she should be pursuing is to let women know you are successful with women. If you're nice, but at the same time are also 'easily gettable', you may get thumbs down.

2   The most effective way (we hope you know this but still is a point worthy to be reiterated) to approach a woman and ignite her attraction for you is giving her a compliment on her looks. They're simple, effective, and most importantly, FREE! You give attention, and you will get attention in return! But beware, they can be suicidal if given at wrong time and about the wrong places.

3   Not being 'aggressive' doesn't mean you have to wait for madam perfection to drop into your lap (which you as a 'nice guy' deserve, of course). You have to take some initiative. Be confident (but not really over-enthusiastic) and show some honest interest in a woman.

4   The best selling genre of books in the world is romance novels... because women love romance! So don't talk about hardcore sports for God's sake! (You can talk about some cute-looking cricketers, if she is of that type). But mostly, stick to mush-talk. If you are not the type who can talk about the smell of burnt tree leaves, don't do it. You'll look fake. But taking your date in a romantic place, offering her a flower, enjoying some jazz or even touching her hand in a delicate way is very romantic.

5   Don't talk only about yourself. You want her to listen to you? First listen carefully to her when she needs to be heard and hope for the best results. The most effective way to be interesting is asking questions and listening.

Keep in mind that often (not always, but very often) when a woman tells you about a problem she's having, she's not looking to you for the solution. So don't give her unnecessary gyaan but only comfort and reassurance that you're there.

6   One of the most important rules of dating is to approach women who are interested in dating in the first place! Don't try to sell chalk to someone who's looking for cheese. Also, don't get too preachy-friendly with women still reeling under their ex-long term relationships. You will 'remain' just a shoulder to cry!

Gift Returns

2008-02-13T05:58:00.000-08:00

Don't feel guilty about returning that singing mounted fish your cousin bought you. He might be returning your gift, too. About 40 percent of Americans take back at least one gift after the holidays, says the National Retail Federation.

If you find yourself in line to return a gift this season, you're apt to discover that store policies have become stricter. Restocking fees for opened boxes or missing packaging are increasingly common, and not just for electronics. For example, Sears now
imposes a 15 percent restocking fee for some appliances, tools, and lawn and garden products.

Stores have also become more persnickety about receipts. Last summer, Target changed its policy to allow for two receiptless returns a year of items less than $20. Before that the threshold was $100.

Kmart, Lowe's, and Wal-Mart are among the retailers that now use computer systems to monitor how often customers return items without sales slips. If you bring back too many within a given period, the store might stop accepting them. Some retailers say they're trying to prevent returns of stolen goods.

HAPPY RETURNS

If returning a singing fish is essential to your sanity, follow our tips and the process should go swimmingly.

Check the policy. It's probably on the store's Web site. If not, call the customer-service line or the store. Note that some stores have more generous return policies for goods purchased at holiday time.

Handle with care. Lost tags, missing packaging, or damaged boxes make it less likely you'll get your due. Amazon.com says it won't accept returns of products missing the serial number or UPC square on the box. Best Buy and Circuit City charge a 15 percent restocking fee on some electronic items whether or not you've opened the box. But you should not have to pay a restocking fee if the item was defective when you unwrapped it.

Bring the receipt. Being able to present one makes it more likely that you'll get back the item's full value. Without a receipt, a retailer might credit you with the lowest recent price or simply deny your return altogether. Gift givers should try to include
one whenever possible.

Go to the right place. If the item was purchased by mail order or on the Internet, make sure you send it to the address the retailer specifies. The retailer might also have a location near you that takes mail-order returns. Sears, for instance, accepts Lands' End returns at its stores. But Macy's and Kohl's, which sell online and in stores, don't accept returns by mail if the merchandise was purchased in a store.

Clear your good name. If your return is denied and you don't know why, you may have been incorrectly flagged by a store's computer for committing "return fraud.." You might be able to correct the matter by e-mailing the Return Exchange, a company that monitors returns for retailers, at returnactivityreport@thereturnexchange.com.

GIFTS YOU CAN GIVE YEAR ROUND

2008-02-07T05:29:00.000-08:00

The Gift of Praise
Appropriate mention, right in front of the other
fellow, of superior qualities or of a
job or deeds well done.

The Gift of Consideration
Putting yourself in the other's shoes and
thus providing your genuine understanding
of his side of the case.

The Gift of Concession
Humbly saying at just the right point,
"I am sorry, you are right and I am wrong."

The Gift of Gratitude
Never forgetting to say "Thank You"
and never failing to mean it.

The Gift of Attention
When the other fellow speaks, listen attentively.
If his words are directed to you
personally, meet his eye squarely.

The Gift of Inspiration
Plant seeds of courage and action
in the other person's heart.

The Gift of Personal Presence
In sickness, in trouble, or in great joy,
there is nothing quite equal to your
personal expression of sympathy or
congratulations. Resolve to give these gifts
each day. You will be pleasantly surprised
at what you will receive in return.

Gift kara de!

2008-01-31T05:50:00.000-08:00

If the Diwali dhamaka means shop till you drop, then the Christmas cheer should ideally mean you gift till you go broke. That is however not the case in desi culture; however our gifting habits have been improving with the surging sensex and spending powers. It's the Christian's Diwali, but everyone around seems to be in a mood to celebrate. And give and take gifts. It is not a huge headache if you want to gift someone formally; the beard scratching challenge lies in finding the right gift for your loved one - a gift that can make a mark forever. Outlined below are some simple tips that you can follow to find the best Christmas gift.

1. Plan ahead

Easier said than done, given that there is only two days left to make a choice! But remember that tomorrow is a Sunday. Nothing could be a better chance for you to improve on your shopping skills. Make a quick list of those who matter to you, allocate a modest sum and head. And thank god for the mall next to your house that's causing all the traffic jams. This is the one time that you will need it.

2. Find out the person's interest

Knowing what he/she likes and considering that for your gift doesn't amount to being 'overly sentimental'. (Guys we hope you're listening.) Depending on what his/her interests are, you can get a gift that complements it. For instance, if the person likes dogs, a stuff toy dog or a teddy would be lovingly appreciated in most cases. It is always amazing to know that people always buy the gifts that they like rather than what the receiver would love to receive.

3. Ask the person if you have to

A difficult stint to pull off, because it may amount to unnecessary cajoling and formalities. But it is always worth not being afraid to ask what the receiver thinks of the best Christmas gift. This will help you a great deal in giving him/her something useful and what they really hope to get.

4. Know your budget

Considering the paisa factor and making marks on your pay-slip or financial diary. If you want to gift something expensive like consumer durables or a vehicle, you better plan out the EMIs and loans. Otherwise, decide how much you are willing to allocate for the gift. It's easier when you have decided on a price range for it. It would also make the job easier for the salespersons to assist you at the departmental store or gift shop.

5. Presentation makes the difference

Creative people might agree, that one can make any nonsensical gift look pretty and 'from the heart' if you've got what it takes to wrap it. And if the gift's better than that, it's even more important to give it a package it deserves. It shows the thought that goes into the gift. You may have a great gift but if the packaging is horrible, it does not bring out your thoughtfulness. As for gifts to your boss or other formal relation, remember, this gift is for the 'impression', not the love, right?

6. Personalise it

Again, it is imperative to convey what you think of your loved one this season. Originality in writing notes and tags which accompany the gift is always appreciated. And more importantly, it can make a dull gift look special. Psst…personalising the gift works wonders with some women. Try it on your wife/daughter or girlfriend this time!

7. Gifting 'in person' recommended!

It is always a joy to present the gift personally to your loved one – for it is not only about the gift, but the conversation over some drinks that bond your relationship. It is stupid to avoid meeting someone you're gifting because of some ego tussles or other clashes. Why do you gift then, if that is the case? Unless it is completely unavoidable, do not opt for delivering your gift through a third person or leaving it behind at their home or office.

8. Gift of your presence and time

Sometimes, the best Christmas gift is not even a gift. Stressed husbands of Mumbai, we hope you're reading this. Your wives or close friends may just want to be treated to a sumptuous meal in a cosy restaurant or getaway over the weekend. Quality time could be more valuable to some people than solitaires. And if that person happens to be your wife, you better think of this seriously. Tell your boss to take a hike!

9. Sensitivity recommended too!

You are presumed to know what this person would already like or dislike. So please do yourself a favour by not giving him or her something that could potentially be an object of dislike, such as making a present that reminds him/her of an unpleasant experience, etc. Exercise some amount of research and talk to their family or near ones to ensure your gift might not end up disturbing them. Also, the over-creative ones who want to give 'whacky' gifts this time, make sure they're not looked at by their fathers!

10. Let the price be right

This one really depends on who you are giving the Christmas present to.. It may be appropriate to give your spouse or girlfriend an expensive ring but this can backfire if given to a friend. Who knows, you might gift a music-enabled cell phone to a friend out of glee and his family thinks it's an insult. Also, well, you don't want your friend to feel obligated to return you an equally priced item, do you?

You would have learnt that these tips can be useful for all occasions, and not just this Christmas season. Given the number of malls rising in our city, the gifting habit is going to be around forever. As for now, if you've suddenly woken up to the shock that Christmas is coming and you haven't finished your gift- shopping, fret not, there is hope. Head for the mall at once, if you want your gift speak out for what you are.

Wedding Favors - Ideas To Keep The Cost Down

2008-01-27T05:17:00.001-08:00

I like the idea of creating your own wedding favors from the author. Not only will it be an unique wedding favor, it will also be very meaningful for the guests who attended your wedding.

Wedding favors are small gifts that the bride and groom give to thank their guests for attending their special day. This token of appreciation also provides everyone with a memento of your wedding day.

The hardest part is deciding what type of wedding favor to give your guests, as there are thousands of options to choose from.

So consider the rest of your wedding preparations. You might be able to find a small gift that reflects the general theme of your wedding. In Scotland, many people continue the cultural theme and give minature bottles of whisky decorated with tartan ribbon to their guests.

And if you're on a tight budget, but still want to give your guests something special to remember the day, here are a few things to consider.

1) Set A Budget

The first thing to do is to sit down with your partner and work out how much you have to spend on wedding favors. Once you've got a figure to work with it will help to narrow down your options and prevent you from overspending.

Wedding favors don't have to be overly lavish, it's the thought that counts.

Coasters are one of these gifts that everyone can make use of, but nobody ever thinks about buying. They represent an inexpensive gift that's both decorative and practical. Other popular gifts are candles, coffee/tea, or bath products such as soap.

Alternatively, your favors could relate to an interest that you or your partner have, such as wine tasting (a miniture bottle) or golf (a couple of golf tees tied with ribbon). In fact any little charm or trinket that has some relevance to your wedding could be considered a wedding favor. You're only limited by your imagination and budget.

2) Start Your Search Online

There are many different companies and shops that specialise in providing wedding accessories and favors. But one of the best options is to shop for your wedding favors online.

The internet makes it possible for you to search dozens of retailers from the comfort of your own home, instead of spending weeks trailing from store to store. In just a few hours it's possible to work out what's available and how much it will cost.

And due to their lower overheads, most internet retailers will be able to offer you a far better price than their high street counterparts. The vast majority of wedding favors only cost one of two dollars each, so it will certainly save you a lot of time, money and shoe leather.

3) Beware Of All The Tricks

If you decide to buy your favors from a store make sure that you ask to be shown items in your price range. Certain sales people will try to bump up the size of your order by showing you items of a slightly higher quality (and price) than you were looking for. Then, when they show you equivalent items from a cheaper range, the temptation is to go for the higher priced items, reasoning "it's only 50 cents extra per item!" This is one temptation that doesn't exist when you buy your favors online.

4) Consider Making Your Own Wedding Favors

For example, you could buy a collection of minature candles and bundle them together with various beads and ribbons. Alternatively, you could buy wax figures of the bride and groom and decorate them to match the character of you and your partner. The more work that you do, the less your wedding favors will cost.

5) Know How Many Favors You Need

Before you buy your favors, find out exactly how many people are coming to your wedding, so that you don't buy more favors than necessary. Although it's always a good idea to have a couple spare incase of unexpected guests. And find out how many of your guests are couples. You could consider giving a slightly better favor to each couple instead of one per person. This will reduce the overall cost of your wedding favors.

If your wedding budget is more generous you could consider custom engraved wedding favors, silver plated gifts or even a small crystal ornament. Crystal favors are universally popular, provide a touch of class and will last your guests a lifetime.

Phishing Filter: Help protect yourself from online scams

2008-01-19T03:30:00.000-08:00

Help protect yourself from online scams

Three ways Phishing Filter helps protect you

Phishing Filter includes several patent-pending technologies designed to warn or block you from potentially harmful Web sites.

1.	A built-in filter in your browser that scans the Web addresses and Web pages you visit for characteristics associated with known online Web fraud or phishing scams, and warns you if sites you visit are suspicious.
2.	An online service to help block you from confirmed scams with up-to-the-hour information about reported phishing Web sites. (Phishing sites often appear and disappear in 24–48 hours, so up-to-the-hour information is critical to protection.)
3.	A built-in way for you to report suspicious sites or scams. With Phishing Filter, you can help provide valuable information on any Web sites you believe are potentially fraudulent phishing attacks. You submit the information to Microsoft and Microsoft evaluates it. If the information is confirmed, the online service adds the information to a database to help protect the community of Internet Explorer and Windows Live toolbar users.

Phishing Filter is available today in Windows Internet Explorer 7 for Windows XP Service Pack 2 (SP2), and in Windows Vista.

It is also available in the new Windows Live Toolbar for users of Internet Explorer 6 and above.

How to get Phishing Filter

There are two ways to get Phishing Filter:

•	Upgrade your browser to Internet Explorer 7 with Phishing Filter built-in.
•	Install the new Windows Live Toolbar and the Windows Live OneCare advisor add-in with Phishing Filter built-in.

How Phishing Filter works in Internet Explorer 7

After you download and install Internet Explorer 7, you can turn on the Phishing Filter.

If you don’t do this when you install Internet Explorer 7, you can also turn on Phishing Filter at any time. On the Internet Explorer 7 Tools menu, click Phishing Filter.

Phishing Filter recognizes two types of Web sites:

•	Suspected phishing Web sites.
•	Known phishing Web sites.

If you visit a suspected phishing site when you surf the Web, Phishing Filter displays a yellow warning, as shown here:

If you attempt to visit a known phishing site, Phishing Filter blocks you from visiting the site and displays a red warning page, as shown below. You are then prevented from entering any information into that site.

How Phishing Filter works in Windows Live Toolbar

After you download and install the new Windows Live Toolbar, install the OneCare Advisor button, which includes the Phishing Filter.

If you visit a suspected phishing site while surfing the Web, Phishing Filter displays a yellow warning, as shown below.

If you attempt to visit a known phishing site, Phishing filter displays a red warning and makes the Web site unavailable. You are blocked from entering any information into any Web form on that site.

Find and Remove Duplicate Files to Free Up Hard Disk Space

2008-01-14T05:51:00.000-08:00

Find and Remove Duplicate Files to Free Up Hard Disk Space

. Duplicate File Finder

- This is the easiest software to find duplicate files and also with only a click of a button, it will remove all old duplicate files. Portable, simple graphical user interface and no configuration at all. The method being used to scan for duplicate file is raw binary comparison of the actual data inside the file. It is 100% accurate using this method. Original Files are determined by creation date, if it was created first, it is considered the original file. Took 2 minutes and 29 secs to scan 106GB (23950 files). Not able to select which folder to exclude scanning, so you have to avoid adding root of a drive to the path.
[ Download Duplicate File Finder ]

2. Heatsoft Clone Cleaner Lite

- Nothing much to configure. Just add the path that you want to scan and search. By default it protects Windows, Program Files and hidden folders. Took 2 minutes 5 seconds to scan 106GB (23950 files). It uses TABS to show you the scan result in same name, same size, same name and size, same content, full clones and zero size. It has Smart Mark where you can automatically mark the duplicate files to be deleted.
[ Download Heatsoft Clone Cleaner Lite ]

3. DupKiller

- DupKiller has all types of scanning methods. Same name, same date and time, same size, same type(extension), similar name and same content. The same content is raw binary comparison which is 100% accurate. Has very good exclusion option but unfortunately very slow in binary comparison. Took 4 minutes 55 seconds to scan 0.3% of 106GB (23950 files). It automatically saving and loading of previous scanned results by default. You can turn it off at the options page.
[ Download DupKiller ]

4. Easy Duplicate Finder

- Able to exclude system folders (windows and program files). It says that it search for true duplicates (files with same contents). Took 1 minute 46 seconds to scan 106GB (23950 files). This can be a really good duplicate finder BUT there is no way to easily select all duplicates and delete them with one click. It found 5809 duplicates on my computer and I am going to have a hard time selecting them one by one.
[ Download Easy Duplicate Finder ]

5. DoubleKiller

- Ability to scan for duplicates using names, sizes, dates and CRC32. All methods used here is not 100% accurate. CRC32 is not 100% because there is a very small probability of two files having the same checksum although they are not identical. If you want to use raw binary comparison, you need to PURCHASE the PRO version.
[ Download DoubleKiller ]

6. CloneSpy

- CloneSpy is another one that doesn't do raw binary comparison. It only compares checksums, same name and approximate size.

[ Download CloneSpy ]

The Secret to a Lasting Marriage: Embrace Imperfection

2008-01-12T19:27:00.000-08:00

When I was a little girl, my mom liked to make breakfast
food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in
particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work.

On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage,
and extremely burned toast in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see
if anyone noticed! Yet, all my dad did was reached for his toast, smiled
at my mom, and asked me how my day was at school.

I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember
watching him smear butter and jelly on that toast and eat every bite! When I got up from the table that evening, I remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the toast. And I'll never forget what he said:

"Baby, I love burned toast."

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if
he really liked his toast burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said,
"Debbie, your mommy put in a hard day at work today and she's real
tired. And besides, a little burnt toast never hurt anyone!"

In bed that night, I thought about that scene at dinner...and the
kindness my daddy showed my mom. To this day, it's a cherished memory from my childhood that I'll never forget. And it's one that came to mind just recently when Jack and I sat down to eat dinner.

I had arrived home late...as usual...and decided we would have
breakfast food for dinner. Some things never change, I suppose!

To my amazement, I found the ingredients I needed, and quickly began
to cook eggs, turkey sausage, and buttered toast. Thinking I had things
under control, I glanced through the mail for the day. It was only a
few minutes later that I remembered that I had forgotten to take the toast out of the oven!

Now, had it been any other day -- and had we had more than two pieces
of bread in the entire house -- I would have started all over. But it had
been one of those days and I had just used up the last two pieces of
bread. So burnt toast it was!

As I set the plate down in front of Jack, I waited for a comment about
the toast. But all I got was a "Thank you!" I watched as he ate bite
by bite, all the time waiting for some comment about the toast. But
instead, all Jack said was, "Babe, this is great. Thanks for cooking
tonight. I know you had a hard day."

As I took a bite of my charred toast that night, I thought about my
mom and dad...how burnt toast hadn't been a deal-breaker for them. And I
quietly thanked God for giving me a marriage where burnt toast wasn't
a deal-breaker either!

You know, life is full of imperfect things...and imperfect people. I'm
not the best housekeeper or cook. And you might be surprised to find
out that Jack isn't the perfect husband! He likes to play his music too
loud, he will always find a way to avoid yard work, and he watches far
too many sports. Believe it or not, watching " Golf Academy " is not my
idea of a great night at home!

But somehow in the past 37 years Jack and I have learned to accept the
imperfections in each other. Over time, we have stopped trying to make each other in our own mold and have learned to celebrate our
differences. You might say that we've learned to love each other for
who we really are!

For example, I like to take my time, I'm a perfectionist, and I'm
even-tempered. I tend to work too much and sleep too little. Jack, on
the other hand, is disciplined, studious, an early riser, and is a
marketer's dream consumer. I count pennies and Jack could care less!
Where he is strong, I am weak, and vice versa.

And while you might say that Jack and I are opposites, we're also very
much alike. I can look at him and tell you what he's thinking. I can
predict his actions before he finalizes his plans. On the other hand,
he knows whether I'm troubled or not the moment I enter a room.

We share the same goals. We love the same things. And we are still
best friends. We've traveled through many valleys and enjoyed many
mountaintops. And yet, at the same time, Jack and I must work every
minute of every day to make this thing called "marriage" work!

What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each
other's faults - and choosing to celebrate each other's differences - is the
one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting marriage relationship.

And that's my prayer for you today. That you will learn to take the
good, the bad, and the ugly parts of your married life and lay them at
the feet of GOD. Because in the end, He's the only One who will be
able to give you a marriage where burnt toast isn't a deal-breaker!

Have a great day! May God bless your marriage.

Now, The greats....you tell us, How for Marriage life could mould the human being ? . Most of the cases,misunderstand ing causes major pitfalls and the same time, communication between each other should be always open !!! Do await your valuable thoughts to share

With that thought in the back of your mind, its
TIME TO GET THAT BUTT MOVIN'

Time to "seize the day......"

How To Curl Your Hair....

2008-01-12T19:14:00.001-08:00

Why People Curl Hair?

Apart from the style quotient, curling is a great way to add body to any hair type and length, except when it’s really short. It’s one of those ‘ready wash and go’ hair styles that frees you from the hassles of blow-drying and setting. Moreover, there are so many varied curly hairstyles – tight curls, waves, maggi curls, etc. –that choosing one should not be difficult at all. You can either curl your hair by yourself at home or get the help of a professional from a good saloon.

Important Aspects One should be Aware of Prior Curling Hair

Your hair will refuse to take the curls if it’s colored. You will only end up spoiling your hair if you still get your colored / streaked hair curled. This is truer in the case of permanent hair curling.

Do not go for permanent curls (or perms) if your hair is weak. This is because weak hair cannot easily withstand hard chemicals used during curling. To find out if your hair is healthy or weak, put few strands in a glass of water. If they sink, it means your hair is weak because it is soaking up moisture.

Thick hairs take curls more easily than fine hairs.

The tightness of the curls will depend on the size of the curling rod.

Depending upon hair length and thickness, a permanent curly hairstyle will sustain for a minimum of two months and a maximum of six months.

How to Curl Straight Hair using Curling Iron?

While you can get your hair curled by a hair stylist, you can also choose to curl them at home. Just follow the instructions given below. The duration for curling hair can vary between 30 minutes and one hour depending upon the length and thickness of hair.

Things you will need:

Volumizing spray
Straightening balm (if you have thick, course hair)
Hair dryer
A one-inch barrel curling iron
Ponytail holder and bobby pins
Shine serum
Hairspray
Saltwater spray

How to Curl Your Hair? – The Process

After washing your hair, flip them upside down and spray volumizing hair-spray on roots. Massage it in. If your hair is rough, then apply a bit of straightening balm.
Gently brush your hair as it will work the hair products you just applied very evenly throughout. Blow dry them straight beginning from the roots adding volume. Alternate with cold air.
Part your hair into three sections, securing each with a ponytail holder. Next you will use a wide-barrel curling iron to curl your hair. So deal with one section at a time. Take neat bunches of hair now and sprit it with styling hair spray. To curl the hair, wrap it around the barrel of a curling rod.
Release the curl after about seven to ten minutes. Hold the hair in the curler for a longer duration if you want tighter ringlets. Alternating the direction will make the curl appear more natural. Once the pinned curls have cooled, free them from the curling iron.

Do not brush your hair. On the other hand, separate the curls with your fingers. To add shine, spray on some hair serum. Take care not to overdo the hairspray if do not want your curls to feel crunchy.

Home Beauty Tips

2008-01-12T19:13:00.000-08:00

To remove puffiness from the eyelids, massage a drop of very fresh castor oil on to them.

· To cool your eyes, make eye pads using thick slices of cucumber. Another option is to use cotton pads soaked in cold milk. Lie down and place them on your closed eyes and relax for a while.

· Putting a drop of rose water into each eye just before you sleep can also refresh you eyes.

· To prevent your lips from chapping, use hot water fermentation on your lips and then apply a mixture of vaseline and honey. Apply this mixture about three times a week.

· To prevent your lips from drying you can use a ground mixture or rose petals and milk butter.

· To delay age spots on your hand, use a piece of lemon and rub all over your hand, before washing. This will delay onset of age-spots.

· If you have no time to shampoo your hair before going out, then brush 1 tablespoon of talcum powder or corn flour through your hair. Try this out first when you are not in hurry to make sure that it works the way you want.

· To prevent hair loss you should have a biotin rich drink. Blend bananas with honey, yogurt and low fat milk. Drink this for a few weeks.

· While blow drying and setting your hair, blow-dry at hot on the roots of the hair. Roll your hair inwards or outwards at the ends. To improve the setting make sure the ends are evenly rolled in or rolled out. Heat the hair for a second and then let it cool. This process of setting the hair will last longer and make your hair look beautiful.

· To condition your hair, after shampooing your hair take some conditioner on your palm and rub it with both hands. Apply from the hair shaft moving downwards. Do not apply on your scalp. Rinse your hair after 5 minutes.

· To add extra shine and glow to your hair add 2 tablespoons of malt vinegar. Use it as a last rinse and towel dry your hair.

When you lose your passport in UAE

2008-01-12T09:29:00.001-08:00

Dubai: If you lose your passport, it should be immediately reported to the police to avoid any possible misuse of the travel document.

There is a form to be filled and documents to be submitted. After one working day, the police will issue a lost-passport report.

You should also check with the Naturalisation and Residency Department if it has received the lost passport. If not, the officials at the department will sign and stamp the police report confirming the lost passport report.

The other step to take is to go to the Public Prosecution Department and get the police report signed and stamped.

The Criminal Investigation Department should also be informed about the lost passport. Here you will need to submit the police report and the sponsor's letter, within two days of the loss. If you report it later you will have to pay a fee of Dh20 and then get a statement on the loss from the CID.

It is important that you notify the police immediately because of the details of the passport can be entered into official databases and prevent its misuse.

Letterhead

If you are on a company sponsorship, you should submit a letter on the loss in Arabic to the police and the naturalisation and residency department at the emirate which issued the residency visa. The letter should be typed on the sponsoring company's letterhead.

The sponsor will have to give a photocopy of the trade licence of the company, in addition to a photocopy of the establishment card, copy of the lost passport if it is available, and two recent photos of the owner of the passport.

If the person who lost the passport is on an individual's sponsorship as a parent, husband, son or daughter, then you need to submit to the Naturalisation and Residency Department and to the police a letter from the sponsor showing his or her signature. You will also need a photocopy of the sponsor's passport.

After you receive the police report and all the necessary documents you have to apply at the consulate or embassy for a replacement passport.

5 Lessons About How To Treat People

2008-01-11T10:09:00.001-08:00

1. First Important Lesson - "Know The Cleaning Lady"

During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello."

I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

2. Second Important Lesson - "Pickup In The Rain"

One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.

A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home.

A special note was attached. It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."

Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole.

3. Third Important Lesson - "Remember Those Who Serve"

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked. "50¢," replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.

"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. "35¢!" she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left.

When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies. You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

4. Fourth Important Lesson - "The Obstacles In Our Path"

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand - "Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition."

5. Fifth Important Lesson - "Giving When It Counts"

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year-old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes, I'll do it if it will save her."

As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?".

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.

5 Lessons About How To Treat People

2008-01-11T10:06:00.001-08:00

Gift Returns

2008-01-02T16:59:00.000-08:00

Stores have also become more persnickety about receipts. Last summer, Target changed its policy to allow for two receiptless returns a year of items less than $20. Before that the threshold was $100.

HAPPY RETURNS

If returning a singing fish is essential to your sanity, follow our tips and the process should go swimmingly.